Undercover Barner | Bye-Week Observations

John Reed-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

This week, I break down a few of the other matchups during Auburn's bye week with scientific exactness the likes of which this world has never seen. Actually, I don't do that at all. But I do make fun of Bammers who smell, so there's that.

This weekend, I took full advantage of Auburn’s bye week and stayed as far away from football as possible. Unfortunately, I live in Tuscaloosa, and “as far away as possible” isn’t really that far at all.

But in the spirit of appreciating the game or whatever, I did manage to catch a couple of matchups before my significant other steered us into a marathon of The Walking Dead. Thanks, Xfinity On Demand!

Arkansas at Texas A&M: This game made me sad for a few reasons. 1. I really want John L. Smith to succeed (you know, within reason), and that's just not happening. 2. I’m a little (okay, a lot) worried about Texas A&M coming to Jordan-Hare. I think if it turns out to be a night game, we’ll be in better shape. But our defense has trouble with offenses like A&M’s. I guess we can call it "uneasiness." 3. Before we can get to the Aggies, we actually have to get through Arkansas. At 11 a.m. I hate playing the Razorbacks 100 percent of the time, but I especially hate playing them in a morning game. Let’s strike up the old mantra: “Hope Coach gets them in bed early and has them ready to play bright and early and also gives them rocket fuel or someting.” Oh, that’s not a real mantra? Well it should be. Puke.

Tennessee at Georgia: I watched exactly two minutes of this game before I lost control of the remote, but I followed most of it on Twitter. I was proud of Tennessee for hanging 44 points on the Dwags (sic). That’s really the only positive thought I had regarding that game. Everything else is wrapped up in the deep, dark, seething dislike that I have for Georgia. I remember a time back when I was a kid when Georgia fans were friendly. Now grown people get in my face and bark at me. So I hope Georgia enjoys the rest of its cupcake schedule and probable trip to Atlanta to lose to probably Alabama.

Speaking of which:

Ole Miss at Alabama: I literally just had to Google this game to see the score. I knew the outcome but not the details. The only thing this game was good for was a great opportunity to grocery shop without the locals invading my personal space*.

The Walking Dead, Season Two, Episode 1: I can’t believe AMC has another show** with an RV. Where are they finding all of these old RVs?

All of that is to say, I enjoyed a nice mental break from the stress of football season. I had almost zero emotional investment in any of the games and loved being able to relax. It was nice to be able to yell at the TV and have it not be about Auburn.

How did you spend the bye week? I’d imagine most people took advantage of favorable TV scheduling and caught most of the good games. Isn’t it nice to be able to take a week off?

Imagine how the players feel. Except for Quan Bray. I hope he’s been Yoxercising.

Don’t roast any hogs this week, Tiger fans. It sounds like such a great idea, but trust me: It’s not worth it.

Until next time—War Eagle.

*I don’t think I can turn this into a critique on the entire fanbase, but I swear: The people in Tuscaloosa with which I frequently find myself in line, be it at the grocery store, bank, or at a restaurant, have no concept of personal space. Fewer than 10 inches of breathing room between our bodies is unacceptable. I get that you feel like standing those extra few inches closer to the check out counter will put you that much closer to your goal of purchasing your Natural Light and consuming it by the light of the almighty Saban on your console TV (ah, there it is), but if you don’t back up at least far enough that I don’t have to smell your offensive body odor, I’m going to throw soap at you.

**If you don’t watch Breaking Bad, fix that immediately.

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