On Saturday, I awoke at 8 a.m. It was a brisk morning, chilly even. Men with less insulation and ladies alike may have outright called it cold. But I had plants to sell. That's right, my day job includes two annual plant sale events, and the fall version fell on Saturday.
Also on Saturday? The first ever College and Magnolia wedding. Well, since the collective minds of College and Magnolia came together and made a blog.
Also on Saturday? Gov't Mule at the Alabama Theatre.
So here's the thing: I watched almost zero college football on Saturday. I watched that one touchdown drive by Auburn while I was on the can with the help of my Watch ESPN app. It was awesome. It was also probably the only part of the game worth watching. And I saw the last four minutes or so as I managed to sneak away to my cubicle.
After that? I had an eye on the South Carolina/Florida game and the UGA/Kentucky game. But only via my ESPN Scorecenter app, where I had set up notifications on games that I had any interest in.
And that was it.
I don't even know any results. Still don't. And when I woke up on Sunday morning, I didn't really care. I know Florida won. I know Georgia won. Barely. I know Auburn lost. And I know Alabama won by a lot.
But I didn't need to watch any of it to know that was going to happen. And had I spent 17 solid hours glued to a television? It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Because Alabama is going to win. And win. And win. And win. And win. And win. And then, when they are finished winning, they'll win a national championship. Rinse. Repeat.
As the Auburn blogger, I should make a joke about "14" or about how dirty the program is or some other equally hilarious quip about it. But I don't even care enough anymore to troll.
One of my first piping hot takes columns over here, I was lambasted by Alabama fans for saying that it is boring. Am I still wrong? Let's pretend 5% of college football fans root for The Tide. The number isn't important. It's just a placeholder for what I am about to tell you:
The other 95% of us are bored to tears. TO TEARS. It's awful.
"BUT BLAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE BUT BLAAAAAAAAKKKKKEE WHATCHU WANT ME TO DO BE MAD????!?!?!?"
No. I'm simply bored to tears. And I absolutely don't care about your emotions or "who you're pulling for" or whatever. Your favorite football team has taken the fun out of it for everyone else. If you've done it dirty, made up national championship numbers, whatever. I don't care. It's simply not fun anymore, and my belief was emphasized when I awoke on Sunday, realized how much football I had missed and realized how little I cared.
Sure, Auburn being terrible helps that emotion. But if Auburn were a two-loss team right now, I'm not sure it would matter. Because I know the end result. The last time I was this apathetic was 1998. That's the year I really started loving rock and roll. Going to a lot of shows.
Would you like for me to tell you why I was not wrong? Okay. I'll go for it. Alabama fans say that Tennessee is their biggest rival. On Sunday morning, there were 27 comments on the al.com game story about Alabama beating "their biggest rival." There were 970 and climbing on Kevin Scarbinsky's column about hypothetically firing Gene Chizik. In October.
In fairness, al.com gets more comments on columns than gamers. But no one is writing columns (SEE: throwing out hot takes) about Alabama because they aren't interesting enough to "stir the pot" and get page views.
If it's not boring, why then has every Alabama fan and media member taken to simply telling Auburn fans what's wrong with their program? Why do Alabama fans care? If Auburn is terrible (and God knows, they are) why are Alabama fans berating Chizik? Wouldn't you want him to stay? I loved the hell out of Mike Shula. You never heard me once call for his head. (An aside: I genuinely thought he was a great guy. I also liked that he could not beat Auburn at football.)
No one knows what to write anymore. Here's a piping hot take that'll warm your britches: we're done. No unpaid blogger, no paid journalist, no one under the sun has any idea what to say each week. "Paid journalists" are as such because they generate hits on websites. And for whatever reason, ignorant people like to spend 12 months a year talking about who is going to or not going to coach at a college football program rather than talk about football.
I'd kind of just like to talk about football. But it sucks. All of it. I know Alabama is going to win. I know Auburn is going to lose. And no matter how much ESPN wants me to believe something else is going to happen, I realize these truths.
They gone fahr Cheez-it? I don't know. I don't care. I know it's not happening until the season is over. I know that, if it does, Auburn stands to have a top shelf recruiting class fall apart. But I don't know how this ends. I think, in order of hot seats at Auburn, from hottest to coldest, it should be: Jay Jacobs, Scot Loeffler, Jeff Grimes, Gene Chizik.
Other than that, I can't tell you. I can give you this piping hot prediction/take: as this wears on, the Auburn fan base is going to become divided among those that want to hire Bobby Petrino and those that don't. But the reasoning is dumb.
"He ain't the kind of feller we want. Nuh uh. Ain't no way ain't no how. Not after all that tomfoolery."
Guess what? Gene Chizik exemplifies the "type of guy" you want. So if you're calling for his head and saying you don't want Petrino, it's kind of hypocritical. IMHO. IYAM.
If you're firing Chizik, you're doing it because you want to win games. And a lot of them, because Chizik's 2010 apparently isn't enough for you to allow him even one more year. So you're wanting it NOW. And if you want it NOW? A nice guy isn't going to give it to you NOW. So make up your mind. Are you mad because you want to see Auburn with "Alabama type success?" There is a very select group of coaches that can bring that. Petrino is one, and he's probably the most likely to say yes.
"You can always find guys. Lots of good coaches out there."
Hot shot up-and-comer isn't coming in next year and winning with the regularity you are expecting. Retread isn't either. If you're expecting someone to come in and win yesterday, Bobby Petrino is that guy.
I'm not saying that's the right answer, because I'm still not on the "Fire Wagon." But you can't have it both ways.
Apathy. I'm apathetic. And, likely, so are you. But my apathy began when I had to be beaten in the face daily and hourly and by the minute about Cam Newton cheating. It was then that I sort of zoned out, turned off and muted everything. Two years ago, every Alabama fan's conversation was about Cam Newton cheating. Now, every one of those conversations is about Gene Chizik being fired.
In the space between, they've won one national championship and are well on their way to another.
And the takes come full circle.
The problem with my apathy and yours is that Auburn fans and, especially, alumni need a reason to want to "go home" and spend money again. I don't want to do it right now. I'm probably going to Alabama A&M for a huge College and Magnolia soiree, but were it not for that, I wouldn't care. And that has to change. Is that making a coaching change? I don't know. I'm not paid to make that decision or give you that answer. I just serve up piping hot takes on the reg.