SEC Media Days 2013, Day 1: Which coaches will be exciting? Which will be boring?

Marvin Gentry-US PRESSWIRE

Some coaches -- like Robbie Caldwell with his turkey insemination references -- light up the room. Others bore media members to tears.

SEC Media Days 2013 are upon us, with the first coaching press conference taking place Tuesday afternoon. With that in mind, we ask, "Which coaches will be mind-numbingly boring, and which will provide genuine entertainment." Let's make our Day 1 projections.

Will Muschamp, Florida

Obviously, Muschamp brings a lot to the table. Anyone who is most famous for exclaiming "BOOM MOTHERF***ER!" on the sidelines should be reliable for a few memorable quotes at a press junket. Muschamp has a temper and a no-nonsense attitude, which makes him a ticking time bomb at an event that is nothing but pure nonsense. In fact, we'd love to take Muschamp to a cocktail party out in the 'burbs just to see how much small talk he could take before throwing a plate of catered mini-quiches in some poor bank executive's face.

Memorable quote from Media Days past

On Jeff Demps running track in Italy before the 2012 season: "I don't deal in rumors and I don't deal in message boards, I don't know any good coach who does. I deal with people eyeball to eyeball, and I ain't ever been to Italy."

Exciting or boring?

Come one, this is a no-doubter. Muschamp is much more likely to walk out of the Wynfrey with blood pouring down his face than to conduct a dull Media Days press conference. EXCITING.

Hugh Freeze, Ole Miss

Mr. Freeze worked wonders last season in Oxford, leading the Rebels to a surprise bowl appearance. Plus, he shares a nickname with one of cinema's greatest villains. Freeze hauled in a great recruiting class in February and challenged rival fans to send any claims of malfeasance to Ole Miss' compliance department. Considering all that, one may think the SEC's resident good guy would walk up to the podium with the swagger and bravado of a young Ali. But no, Freeze's problem is that he's a "good guy," and that too often nullifies any entertainment value.

Memorable quote from Media Days past

On the tough 2012 schedule: "It is what it is...We're going to play it."

Exciting or boring?

Any coach using the phrase "It is what it is" is obviously full of coachspeak and cliches. Add in the fact that, because he's so damn likable, the media probably won't push him on any difficult topics, and Freeze's press conference could be one of the sleepiest of the week. BORING.

Gary Pinkel, Missouri

My God, just looking at Pinkel's face forces me to engage in battle with an impending coma. Missouri is certainly the most boring team in the SEC, and the Tigers are led by a perfect captain. We haven't been able to confirm this, but supposedly, the biggest thrill Pinkel ever had was when he cracked open a fortune cookie at his local Chinese buffet -- after a sensible meal, of course; no overdoing it here -- and found two fortunes inside. Running on pure adrenaline, Pinkel went home and made love to his wife on top of the covers (no, the lights weren't on, you sicko). Sadly, they later separated because the monumental event placed too much of a strain on the relationship.

Memorable quote from Media Days past

On Missouri's move to the SEC in 2012: "Our fans, to say that they are excited about us being in the SEC would be a complete understatement. They've become fanatical about it. It's exciting to see. I think that says so much for the great respect nationally that the SEC has."

Exciting or boring?

You can try to fool us, Gary, using words like "fanatical" and "exciting" in your statements. You can even try to butter us up, but it won't work. We know that you're a dull, dull man, and nothing will change our minds. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to nap for six hours. BORING.

Steve Spurrier, South Carolina

This man is the godfather of SEC Media Days. The over/under for number of times the media breaks out in laughter is currently set at 7.5, and quite frankly, that's easy money. Spurrier should be able to hit the over halfway through -- unless the SEC's journalist elites are constantly chortling from open to close, and it technically counts at only one outburst. That's how Vegas gets ya.

Memorable quote from Media Days past

On the difficulty of playing in the SEC in 2012: "It's easier to win the national championship than the SEC. Ask Nick Saban."

Exciting or boring?

HOOOOOOOO BUDDY, NOBODY CAN TAKE A SHOT AT LITTLE NICKY LIKE THE OL' BALL COACH. If you pay attention to one press conference at Media Days, make it Spurrier's. Like the Wiz, he's the best and nobody beats him. EXCITING.

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