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Things That Could Stand to Vanish From College Football

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So I was reading this article online today about things that are vanishing from the fabric of American society, what with changing times and moods and advances in technology. Virtually none of them on the list were a result of the recent death of capitalism in this country, but rather from the recession of tradition, or from the steady advance of progress and time. And not all were bad things. Some of it is waay past due. But it got me thinking, CFB is rich in tradition. It's been going for roughly 120 years, A.D. (Arrivus Dixielandus) and the status quo is very hard to upset. What parts of the game would I like to see vanish if Obama made me Secretary of Saturday Gameday? Hmmmm....

Byzantine Ticket Sales Process: Oh, God. Could I please just buy tickets on the open market like they were from any other regular business without having to inherit them first? I know that there are long wait lists for tickets, sometimes decades, and I know the true cost of them far exceeds the face value, but in spite of that, I still feel that the schools leave money on the table and they incite class warfare between the fans. A lot of folks just want to buy access to the program, and there's nothing wrong with rewarding loyalty, but ticket rights should cease when you quit drawing breath. Let's open up a few seats for the proletariat, shall we?

Independents: If there ever was a throw-back in this day and age, it's the college football orphan. I thought this went out in the 1970s. There's only three--Notre Dame, Army and Navy. All three have excellent tradition, but the trio seem caught in some sort of time warp that promotes this anachronism. You could just order the service academies to join a conference. and they'd say "Yes Sir" and off to the Big East they go. The Irish would be the problem. Everyone knows why they don't join, but intolerance for their disobedience is waxing mightily. Maybe insert some Draconian disincentives for them to remain independent, like have the government take over NBC and start renegotiating contracts?

Split Conference/Division Champs: this is the new cause celebre now that split national champions are so out of vogue. What? Split conference champions in this day of conference championship games? Why, yes. The Neanderthal Big 10(11) can still have split champ, as that misnomer might imply, and even the Pac 10, who plays a 9-game conference schedule so that everyone gets a shot at each other, technically declares a split champion in the face of head-to-head competition (although the winner will represent the conference in the BCS or Rose Bowl). As important as the conferences are to CFB and not all of them have a fair way to decide their winner? Inconceivable!!!

And don't think you divisional champs are getting away with anything, either. If you're in the SEC and you don't make it to Atlanta, you didn't win your division. You lost the tiebreaker, so take the banner down and sit your ass there, too. We have to end this feel-good crap and figure out who the winners and losers are in this world. No soup for you. Come back, one year!

Pre-Season Polls: There's almost universal agreement that these are a bad idea in so many ways, especially after years like 2007. I really hate using the word 'fair', but it seems that's something that's severely lacking with ranking the polls until you're about a month into the season. All those in favor say aye....

The Scheduling of Cupcakes for BCS Schools: Nothing carries more American Express Card type clout these days than being a BCS conference school, so why the hell not act like it? No BCS school should be allowed to schedule a FCS or lower team period. There's plenty of hungry FBS mid-majors out there who you can give a shot to, but if you're going to be BMOC, let's start to schedule like it. And every BCS team should have to schedule two other BCS OOC teams each year, but I'll have to save that for another list...

Boosters Behaving Badly: These losers are overgrown little boys with checkbooks and influence who try and buy their way to glory they couldn't come close to achieving on the field, and they ruin lives and sometimes programs in the process--their own and their rival's. I'm never one for creating more laws, but couldn't some of their shenanigans be covered under existing statutes, especially Federal law? Anyone familiar with RICO? No, not Suave. And BTW: apply it to slime-ball agents, while we're handing down indictments.

The Renaming of Stadiums and Fields in Stadiums: Okay, this one probably comes with me getting older and becoming crankier. Why can't the name just stay put? Did the stadium get married? I'm not calling it by the new name, especially if it ever is from some corporation (oh, you just wait...). Remember that earlier remark about the status quo? It's STILL Grant Field to me, not Bobby Dodd Stadium at Grant Field. Oh gag me. You get too many names and it starts to sound like a law firm. I'm probably the only guy who commended Georgia for not hyphenating Vince Dooley's name somewhere onto the Sanford Stadium moniker--and he's an Auburn man! (was, anyway...) Two names MAX for the whole shooting-match--field and stadium. Choose carefully...

And finally....

The Banishment of any Claimed National Championship before the AP Poll Debuted in 1934: I've written volumes on this subject, but few could argue to the contrary that the AP was the first usual and customary MNC selector out there to gain any sort of acceptance. And I'm all for including the later UP (1950) and UPI poll championships, in addition to the modern day coaches polls in the awarding of titles, but the revisionist history that permeates MNCs awarded before the mid 1930s has got to end. There has to be a standard. We all know that the NCAA doesn't actually sanction a NC in FBS, nor has it ever, but it sure would be welcome for them to set up some template to be followed. But we all know that they never will, and it might be another century or two before these old back-dated titles finally fall out of favor with CFB historians. Let it be written that WEA told them so...