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Pre-Season Polls A'Plenty

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  WEA's gameplan at Auburn: 1) drink 2) talk to pretty girls 3) football 4) repeat if necessary

 

 

The Purple Tiger guys over at LSUfootball.net have put together a composite picture of the various preseason poll rankings that are coming out in order to give us a clearer idea of what the first AP poll out of the gate might look like. Yea, yea, I know. We don't exactly put a lot of stock in preseason polls, but it's fodder for the off-season, you know, to keep us hanging on. If you don't want to look at the link, we're tied for 38th.

But since Congress looks like it may want to start putting labels on college football, like the recent one about the BCS not being an actual national championship, maybe it's a good idea if they started putting warning labels on these preseason polls to protect uneducated fans from putting too much stock in them, kinda like Auburn fans did last year. Soon we may see some of the following disclaimers--just like the Surgeon General's warnings on packs of cigarettes--about what to expect from preseason polls:

 


Preseason polls are known by the state of California to contain controversy and no champions in the last 5 years...

Preseason polls contain 100% of the RDA of BCS conferences, and two at large mid-majors...

The consumption of raw preseason poll results, like shellfish, can induce food borne illness and barfing...

Expectant mothers should not consume alcohol nor preseason poll results as there is an increased risk in birth defects...

Preseason polls not manufactured in China are certified as 100% lead-free, but as a precaution, please do not place in mouth, especially alongside your foot...

Rankings in the preseason poll mirror may seem larger than they appear...

If you have an undeserved preseason poll result lasting for longer than 4 weeks, also known as a prepollapism, immediately call your doctor and your team's scheduler...

Other side effects of preseason polls include nausea, bloating and cramps, especially if you did a lot of talking to your friends about the results before an actual game was played...

WARNING: FLAMMABLE. Preseason polls may spontaneously combust and crumble into ashes. Do not reference preseason polls near an open flame or while smoking. Do not store where temperatures can exceed 120F, like on a SEC field in early September...