Auburn takes advantage of a timeout to practice tackling. Needless to say, it could have gone better.
(And yes, I know that's the offense, you wet blankets, you.)
Ballot and smart-aleck stuff after the jump:
| Rank | Team | Delta |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma Sooners | -- |
| 2 | LSU Tigers | -- |
| 3 | Alabama Crimson Tide | -- |
| 4 | Oklahoma St. Cowboys | -- |
| 5 | Boise St. Broncos | -- |
| 6 | Arkansas Razorbacks | -- |
| 7 | Wisconsin Badgers |
 1 |
| 8 | Stanford Cardinal |
 -1 |
| 9 | Texas A&M Aggies |
1 |
| 10 | Florida Gators |
4 |
| 11 | Nebraska Cornhuskers |
5 |
| 12 | Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets |
11 |
| 13 | Virginia Tech Hokies |
6 |
| 14 | Oregon Ducks |
-3 |
| 15 | South Florida Bulls |
3 |
| 16 | Michigan Wolverines |
5 |
| 17 | Florida St. Seminoles |
-5 |
| 18 | Michigan St. Spartans |
-9 |
| 19 | South Carolina Gamecocks |
1 |
| 20 | California Golden Bears |
2 |
| 21 | Baylor Bears |
3 |
| 22 | TCU Horned Frogs |
-9 |
| 23 | Arizona St. Sun Devils |
-8 |
| 24 | North Carolina Tar Heels | -- |
| 25 | Illinois Fighting Illini | -- |
| Dropouts: Auburn Tigers, Central Florida Knights | ||
So, about Saturday, huh?
Well, at least we're all united in our love for the team and our unwavering commitment to our coaching staff and players.
Oh, I see. That's unfortunate.
Well, at least we know that things are more or less right in the College Football universe, and that there's a basic order to things that we can count on for stability.
Oh. That's even more...unfortunate (though not for Vandy -- just for those of us who are trying to sort out up from down and left from right).
(Georgia fans, that last bit was only for effect. Sorry to confuse you. Just remember that your left hand makes the "L" when you stick the thumb out, and up is the ceiling when you've NOT been drinking.)
Okay, so all sarcasm aside -- insofar as that's actually possible for me -- let's move forward with this week's breakdown and the frantic excuse-making that you've come to know and love.
1. Oklahoma - Why? Why not, that's why. It may not have been the prettiest thing, but Florida State is a talented team suffering from some cohesion issues. Though it was no 47-17 shellacking like last year, Saturday's win demonstrated the Sooners' rightful place atop the polls -- for me at least.
2. LSU - Yes, the first half made it look like they were filming Baby, I'm Burning, Redux: Electric Boogaloo, but they won. Saturday's win over Mississippi State showed that they know how to win the close, knife-fight type affairs that SEC games turn into, as well as the blowouts against the Northwestern State Rod & Reel Club.
3. Alabama - "But, PAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLL...that 'Barner didn't list us number one! He's just a-skeered of us, PAAAAWWWWWWLLLLLL." Well, I'm not. Personally, that is. Maybe Auburn is. But I doubt it. Still, that has nothing to do with why you're here, Tide. Kent State, Penn State, and North Texas -- on the other hand -- have everything to do with why you're here, staring at the backside of LSU.
4. Oklahoma State - R. Kelly believed he could fly. Or maybe he didn't, really. In any event, he believed really strongly in something, even if it was just making mad cash for some sappy ballad for a post-prime MJ / Looney Tunes mashup. Personally, I believe in making mad cash too...but since this ballot and column don't really get that done for me, I'll stick to believing in more realistic things, like Oklahoma State staying here as long as they beat teams into a pulp. That and beer. I believe I'll have another one of those, as well.
5. Boise State - Because I can? Nah, that's not fair, and it might sic certain TET members on me in a hurry. I stand by everything I've said to this point, and would kindly refer you to anyone from the Toledo defense if you have any doubts as to this team's offense, and Kellen Moore's ability to julienne damn near any secondary he sets eyes upon.
(Oh-god-don't-look-at-OUR-secondary-I-didn't-mean-it-like-that-Mr.-Moore....)
7, 8. Wisconsin / Stanford - Let me pause for a moment here, and move beyond the simple observation that these teams did nothing more than swap places when they both won. Doesn't that suggest that they're interchangeable? I'll take that one step further: ARE they interchangeable? Supporting evidence: 1) they both sport generic-looking red-and-white color schemes that look more "template" than "identity"; 2) both feature bands that enjoy alcohol to an excess that makes even fellow college students and alcoholics stand back and go, "Whoa...maybe you oughtta' slow down just a bit"; 3) they both feature offenses chock-full of white-bred large-bodies, and run schemes that are about as much fun to watch as slugs mating; and 4) you can vaguely recall what the teams have done recently in terms of bowl activity (BCS game last year, check. Year before....uh....?), but otherwise, you're likely to just think of them as a good team that's near the top of the pack this year.
I'm just sayin'....
9. Texas A&M - I don't really have much to say about Aggie, except that I'm completely and utterly indifferent to you invadingjoining our conference. So, in the off-chance that there's an Aggie fan reading this (HA! Burnt Orange Nation tells me that none of you can read, and why would THEY ever make up such lies?), or if any of you Auburn fans knows an Aggie fan, please consider this an open invitation for one of them to contact me and convince me why I should give a damn. At this point, I'm registering "I guess I'm supposed to..." and I'd like to get that needle hovering right around "Yeah, I guess this is better than getting a prostate exam..."
10. Florida Gators - Yes, many would say that the crushing of Tennessee was to be expected, and there's no reason to do anything with them. Mark my words (so you can laugh at me for them later) -- this team is ascendent, and with Weis getting back to mentoring a QB, this team is only going to get stronger. Bad news for Auburn...but bad news for Georgia (so there's that).
Now for the part where we skip around because I've cracked 1,000 words, and SBNation ain't paying me....
12. Georgia Tech - Yes, they've jumped a fair amount on my ballot. I'll make you a deal -- once you're done complaining about my similar movement (downward) of TCU, I'll gladly address this. The rationale is the same: each was in roughly the wrong spot, and I needed to adjust them (TET thought TCU was overranked; I personally think Georgia Tech's stock will end up higher). Failing all that, please stop by my office in person, and I'll issue you a refund on my priceless insight.
14. Oregon - See: above.
17. Florida State - As much as I would like to have punted Florida State to 117, by virtue of my general hatred for them, I can't. Five spots doesn't seem overly punitive -- and if it does, well, then they've earned it for their obnoxious, vaguely racist chant.
18. Michigan State - CharlieSparty don't surf (no -- just NO...he doesn't). And he don't stay high in my rankings if he loses to unranked, 0-2 Notre Dame. All apologies, South Florida Colorado State WHATEVER Spartans.
22. TCU - THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW???
23. Arizona State - Some would argue that you should be dropped from the face of the planet if you lose to a Zook-coached Illinois team. I think eight spots is a nice compromise.
24. North Carolina - They're unbeaten, they may not pass this way again, and in the land of the ACC, the man with three wins is King. Or Queen. Or something or other. Three wins with all of the sanction-related clouds looming overhead is something. At least I think so. And it keeps Texas out, so there.
25. Illinois - Submitted without comment.
Should Auld Acquaintance.... (Auburn, Central Florida)
Central Florida - Like the figure of speech goes: it's been real...it's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun. I'm sure getting blackjacked by Cristobal's FIU team wasn't real fun either. But, hey, at least we'll always have the 2010 Liberty Bowl.
Auburn - Well, this was more a function of running out of room, than anything else. It certainly wasn't like I was cornered in the open field and pulled down by a perfect form tackle, thereby preventing me from listing them. Right? That's why I love our defensive coordinator -- no one has a keener grasp of the obvious.