TAKES, VOLUME 10

I made my first trip to Auburn in 2012 this weekend. I fell into some tickets for myself and one of my favorite people on earth, so while I had planned on not making the trip down until next week, I figured this week adequate. I knew what the outcome of the game would be, so it really didn't matter. That made it much easier to enjoy the College and Magnolia tailgate and take in some others sights. A large number of us actually skipped most of the first quarter, electing to stay at the tailgate and watch the end of the Alabama game. It took my friend and me a little effort to convince the third member of our party to miss her DWAGS kicking off, but she conceded. We consumed. It was fun.

1. Tweetup! Oh my word. The people that mingled among our tweetup are well known on this blog, and I ran into many others. It was a family reunion, literally and figuratively, and I was fortunate to meet some old friends, introduce myself to several people I've only known in the Twitterverse and hang out with the Birmingham people I never see.

Seriously, why do we have to travel to Auburn to hang out, Birmingham folks? The bro editing this column right now lives blocks from me. And we see each other, like, twice a month. Sad times. (I've heard of a subtweet. Is this a subtake? - ed.)

Anyway, a rough roll call of the Auburn Twitterati that I hung out with or met for the first time on Saturday:

Our hated blogger rival @WarBlogle, @thejuiceisgood, @MaggieMcDee, @SassySouthBlog, @wardamnphil, @ImALegendKiller, @aubluemenace and the regular CaM crew, including @CaM_Salser, tent mom @runyogasurf, @murphtl, @wardamnjared, @WarmBeagle and his lovely fiancee @sallyjkhan. I think that's it. I'm sure I left someone off this list. But because my trip to Auburn this time was 100 percent about the people and had absolutely nothing to do with my desire to watch the football game, I thought a shout out was in order. We're very fortunate that a social platform has allowed us all to connect through our shared sense of humor, our shared 2012 misery and our love for Auburn University. To the friends that are old, it was a great weekend. To the friends first met this weekend, you were each amazing. Let's do it again soon (next week?).

2. The Moment of the Game. The best thing that happened while I was able to stomach being inside Jordan-Hare Stadium was the SEC Digital Network running highlights of the day's games on AUHD. There was this slow crescendo, people waiting on the Alabama highlights. But the game apparently ended too late for the editing crew to get those highlights tacked onto the end. When the video ended without showing the Tide's loss, the entire crowd audibly booed.

That was the only thing interesting that happened inside the stadium on Saturday.

3. Changes? I realize that nothing is going to happen until, at least, Dec. 1. But with each passing day and each passing Phillip Marshall column, I'm beginning to believe that nothing is going to happen at all.

I'll reiterate, the order of the firing squad should be:

Scot Loeffler, Tim Jackson, Jay Jacobs, Gene Chizik.

And while I have now taken a full-fledged seat on the "necessary change" train, I also stand by what I've said for over a month:

If you're doing this with a half-hearted effort, don't bother.

You don't make this change to bring in a coordinator with a positive upside. You don't make this change to bring in a retread. If you make this change, make it big. BIG. Or don't waste my time.

4. 2:30 Iron Bowl? Really, CBS? Really? There is absolutely no reason to show America this event. It's cruel, awful punishment.

It's not just awful to make America see a thorough dismantling, it's horrible that you are going to make America sit through whatever forced conversation that Verne and Gary have for the last 20 minutes of the game when Alabama is ahead 52-0.

CBS, you are going to make Verne and Gary dig so deep into their bag of topics that the broadcast alone will rival the train wreck on the field. I would rather watch four hours of a collection of America's Funniest Home Videos' nut shots with Bob Saget narrating in his falsetto voice.

5. Johnny Football. Scene: Johnny Football is sitting at a bar in Tyler, Texas. It's 2037. The bar is dank, the beer is Lone Star, but it's served in fancy space cups.

{gentleman walks over to fancy space jukebox, scans his hand where the jukebox accepts his payment information embedded in his palm}

GUY: "HEY JOHHHHNNNYYYY. YOU KNOW THIS ONE?!?!?!?!?"

{Nada Surf's "Popular" begins to fill the house system. a space sound system.}

JOHNNY: "AWWWWWWWWWW MAN!!!!!"

{Johnny stands up from his chair and begins to run through his friends, acting as though he is breaking tackles}

GUY NO. 2: "Man, them were the days, right, Johnny? Good ol' days, Johnny. Heh. Yep {sips space Lone Star}"

GUY NO. 3: "Hey, Johnny, tell us 'bout that time you took down the Tide! Tell us, Johnny! That was something! {sips space Lone Star}"

JOHNNY: "BOYS, I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK! HA! Welp. There I was. Staring right into the belly of the beast. Coach Nick Saban told us the spread was foolish, but ol' coach Nick Saban ain't never seen nothing like ol' Johnny! You know what I mean?" {sips space Lone Star}

{everyone high fives, cheers. Guy No. 3 misses Guy No. 2's high five, but they play it off real cool like}

GUY: "HERE'S TO JOHNNY FOOTBALL! {SPACE TOAST}

{EXIT MUSIC: IF YOU SEE JOHNNY FOOTBALL HERO IN THE HALL TELL HIM HE PLAYED A GREAT GAME TELL HIM YOU LIKED HIS ARTICLE IN THE NEWSPAPER}

I'm still trying to work out what happens next. I assume that Johnny gets a job as a bouncer at the same bar and tames the whole town, Roadhouse style.