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TAKES. 3RD ED. VOL. 9.

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Editor's Note: This should go without saying, but this is a parody. If you don't know who it is a parody of... it's one of the state of Alabama's illustrious media members.

Kevin C. Cox

MY COLUMN:

When you play so arrogantly near the fire, you'll eventually get burned. When you think luck will forever be on your side, your luck will run out. We thought the cats with nine lives could never lose. We thought that America's luckiest team could continue escaping the jaws of defeat.

That was before Texas A&M 41, Auburn 38. [/turns to camera and winks]

That was before the Gus Bus hit speed bumps at Jordan-Hare just three weeks before the Lane Train prepares to steamroll. That was before the best running back in Georgia's backfield is freed in time for the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. That was before the mighty Bulldogs of Lakeshore strap their helmets on and prepare to wage war on the team that was luckier than any other.

Sorry, Charlie (Harbison, Auburn assistant coach). Your luck has run out.

Maybe it's time to stop with the blind faith and ask some tough questions: are four losses in two years too many? Can a high school offense ever succeed in college football? Hurry up, no huddle? College football's most dangerous offense is on the clock. Tick, tock, Gustav. How can the Arkansas professor draw up an answer to this disaster?

The problem with Auburn football is that it will never be as good as Alabama football. The Tide has now proven that defense, not this flash in the pan offense, is what fries up championships. Coach Nick Saban has proven that he is still the man in charge of this state and nation, with no apology to Dr. Bentley or Mr. Obama. That's right - in the land of "U Can't Touch This," he who does the Electric Slide is king.

Is there trouble on the Plains? Is the loveliest village crumbling like a pound cake? Signs certainly point to yes. But at least Birmingham fans will have a short drive to see their Tigers play at Legion Field this postseason. When this inevitably goes awry, who should be on the Tigers' shortlist to replace Malzahn?

Maybe look no further than the man you fired that fired off Auburn's first national championship in 50 years. I hear he's available.