All credit for this goes to EDSBS Commentariat Member saxattack29, who posted this in a comment on Spencer Hall's fantastic piece about a Finebaum live call-in during a production of Hamlet. It was just too awesome not to share with all of you.
To kick, or not to kick? That is the question-
Whether ‘tis Nobler in the mind to go for
a field goal giving an instant vic'try
Or to go on and play in overtime
vs the opposing, Malzahn? To kick, to win-
the game; and win that game that would bring forth
the heart-aches of a thousand Auburn fans
whose flesh is jowly? Twould be a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To snap, to kick,
to kick, perchance to Miss: Aye, there's the rub.
For in that miss what dreams may come,
when we have kicked forth that oblong pigskin.
Must give us pause. There's the unknown
that makes a nightmare of coaching life
For who would bear the calls and jabs of Pawl,
the Booster's jab, the Ol' Boy's jabbering,
The pangs for Oatmeal pies, the life's delay,
the insolence of blue chips, and the spurns
that other recruits give when they choose other schools
When he himself might his bank account take
and buy an island? What would these Bammers do,
Alas, I stand a prisoner of my pride
to dread of leaving crowns unclaimed at death
The Bo Schembechler Country, on whose hand
no ring has yet been seen. Puzzles the will.
My team, let's kick and win our final game,
A victory here brings everlasting fame!