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Dr. Z's Tuscaloosa Travel Tips

For those of you making the trek to Tuscaloosa, here 10 some helpful tips.

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So I thought I would be helpful for this week, and give those of you brave enough to go to Tuscaloosa a few helpful pointers.

1. When in Tuscaloosa, don't bring up the mental hospital. This is simple courtesy, because many of their fans might have actually been residents there at some point.

2. If you happen to get into a conversation with an Alabama fan, do not bother asking them what they studied while in school at Alabama.  Odds are, said fan didn't go to school there, and it will probably anger them that some "fancy-pants college grad" would dare ask such a stupid question at Alabama's campus.

3.  If you're planning on eating before the game, go to Dreamland BBQ. it's located on Birmingham's Southside.  The original one hasn't been the same since they gave up ritual porcine sacrifices to the Bear in 1998.

4.  If you want to bring up the program's storied history, keep in mind that Alabama fans have no recollection of time between 1982-1991, 1993-2007.  To them, It's like it never happened.   Mike Dubose was a hard nosed defensive player for the Bear in the 70's.  Mike Shula?  Never existed.   There is no such person.  Carolina Panther fans wish to God this was true.

5.  Do not go to a plant nursery and buy stuff for your yard before the game. Odds are, you're azaleas, lantana, dogwoods, etc will die.

6.  Don't bring up Cade Foster.  Similar to Mike Shula, he never existed.  And judging by their reaction on twitter last year, he may actually be dead.

7. If you want to make friends in Tuscaloosa, blame our country's current problems on Obama....and Chris Davis.

8.  Seen that Allstate commercial where the car blows up in the stadium parking lot? If Auburn manages to win Saturday, that will likely be your car.  Be prepared to file a police report, and have somebody pick you up.  And make sure John Parker Wilson is not the giving you a ride.  That's a moot point anyway, a 2006 court order prohibits him from driving after Alabama home games.

9. If you are hungry for a sandwich after the game, be careful to specific as to which Jimmy Johns you want to directions to.  There's a big difference big the Turkey Tom and crack.

10. For God's sake, do not fall asleep inside the Krystal!