You may remember that when we played Kansas State earlier this season, the Kansas State blog posted Q&As with some of our rivals to gauge their thoughts and feelings on the Tigers. I decided to replicate that for the bowl game and reached out to a number of Wisconsin's B1G rivals. I'll be posting the responses that I received over the next three days. Here is the last of them, as a number of crazed Cornhuskers from Corn Nation, the SB Nation Nebraska site, join us.
1) Tell us your best and worst memory of playing Wisconsin.
Cobby: IMAGINE YOURSELF IN THE FROZEN TUNDRA OF MADISON. SNOW FLYING ALL AROUND YOU, YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM GIVING UP A THIRD OF A MILE TO A RUNNING BACK IN BASICALLY A HALF. YOU'RE PISSED OFF, THE BUZZ OF THE PAPPY VAN WINKLE HIGHBALLS ROLLING OFF... AND THEN YOU SEE A WISCONSIN GIRL AND SHE CAN KEEP YOU WARM BY CUDDLING RIGHT THERE. YOU TAKE IT ALL IN, KNOWING THAT IN NORMAL TIMES YOU WOULD COYOTE UGLY HALF OF YOUR BODY OFF BUT YOUR GENATALIA HAS GONE "LOLNO" AND WENT INSIDE. THAT'S THE BEST MEMORY OF PLAYING WISCONSIN.
2) How about just your opinion of Wisconsin in general?
Jon: It's a great state. Every place you go to eat is also a place to go to drink. The beer is good and plentiful. The sausages are to die for. There are women of all sizes and shapes. Then there's cheese because you need to add weight for winter.
Greg: I admit the only time I've been in Wisconsin was when I was in college. We were very close to the Illinois/Wiscy border and the driver said "does anyone want to be able to say they've been to Wisconsin?" After a less-than-enthusiastic response, we drove to the border, saw the sign, and got the hell out of there.
That being said, to quote Rock from that very special episode of "Tool Time" (if you're too young to remember Home Improvement/Tool Time, you have no business on the Internet), "in Wisconsin, cheese is cheese." Bonus - Refresh your memory: http://youtu.be/_tX852PNNlk?t=39s
Cobby: WELL, YOU HAVE CHEESE CURDS, AND MIX THAT WITH SPOTTED COW AND THE FOURTH BEST CHEESEBURGER IN KENOSHA, AND YOU'LL GET THE IDEA. YOU COULD WAIT TILL THE 5 WEEKS OF SPRING/SUMMER AND HIT THE REALLY GOOD LINKS IN KOHLER, BUT IF IT EMBARRASSED TIGER, THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO THERE, TY WEBB JUNIOR??
3) What are your impressions about us down in the Loveliest Village? Don't worry about being tactful if you think we're horrendous, we've heard it all before. We live in Alabama, after all.
Jon: You're all a bunch of cheating SEC bastards. I'm sorry that someone who's a fan of an even bigger bunch of bastards killed your trees, though.
Greg: I have noticed a severe lack of #SESPEED-ing tickets coming out of - oh crap, which one are you again? Not Tuscaloosa...what is your hometown again? How much does it suck being second-fiddle in your state? And you're not even in Texas...where fiddles are actually required. (BOOM! Another Alabama reference. I'm on a roll - NO, NOT A ROLL TIDE ROLL...I hate them also)
Cobby: LISTEN, I'M NOT AS BITTER AS THE A-HOLES ABOVE ME. TAKE ME TO SHONEYS AND FEED ME SOMETHING BATHED IN COUNTRY GRAVY AND LET ME CHASE IT WITH A COMBO OF ABSOLUT AND CHEERWINE, AND I WON'T SAY MUCH AT ALL. BUT DAMNIT, FIND A SHOWER MAN. Y'ALL HIT WALMART ENOUGH TO GET SOME ZEST AND SUCH, NO REASON TO SMELL LIKE A WILD PACHYDERM YA KNOW?
4) What do y'all think of Barry Alvarez coaching another "last game?" Will that help or hurt Wisconsin?
Jon: Barry Alvarez just can't let go of being "Wisconsin" for everyone up there, and he's "coaching" this game as much as I am. He's actually a Nebraska guy, you know, but him sticking around and staying in things - I wonder if he's keeping them from ever being great.
Greg: I imagine Badger fans are as moist as many Husker fans would be if Dr. Tom came back for "one more game." That being said, is it too late for him to coach the Huskers against USC? It is? The Holiday Bowl already occurred? What a gross miscarriage of justice.
Cobby: I'M GLAD THAT BARRY NEEDED THE MONEY FOR HIS ASSISTANTS TO DO ALL THE WORK WHILE HE SITS ON THE SIDELINES AND WATCHES LIKE JABBA THE HUT AIMING FOR HAN SOLO TO GET FROZEN.
5) What do you think of this Wisconsin team? Depending on how much you know about us down here at Auburn, what weaknesses of ours do you think they're particularly suited to exploit? What strengths of ours set up well against them?
Jon: Your defense is not good. Wisconsin can play ball control with you until Melvin Gordon starts breaking those big runs. One thing about Gordon - don't underestimate him. He is an incredible back. You might want to poo-poo him, all that "Big Ten Slow vs S-E-C Speed" bullshit y'all tend to spew, but I'd caution you against it.
Greg: How are you about defending the run? Oh....that's pretty unfortunate, because Melvin Gordon is the the next big thing NOW. And if you are just joining us, Wisconsin just scored again versus Nebraska. Luckily...he is the team. Safeties...CHEAT UP! Put nine in the box but watch that jet swee-....did he really just score on Nebraska again? FFS
That being said, there are some holes in the defense that I think ol Gus can exploit. I think this game will...well, more on that....
Cobby: JUST DON'T TACKLE GORDON TILL HE GETS TO 410 YARDS, THEN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO WIN THE GAME. STAVE CAN'T HIT THE BROAD SIDE OF THE MET LIFE BLIMP, AND I JUST WANT SOMETHING FREE FROM OUTBACK AFTER YOU GUYS WIN.
6) What are your thoughts on how this game plays out?
Jon: Wisconsin has to overcome that their former coach left them for a school at which he has fewer facilities and a lesser chance of winning anything significant. They were at a significant disadvantage before that, now.....
Greg: The only way the pre-bowl season would have been better would have been in Bo was actually hired at Wisconsin. This one will be a shootout. So who is bringing the bigger guns? I say Auburn takes it and there might be more than 100 points scored in this game.
Cobby: PLEASE GOD, KEEP US AWAKE. WE'LL HAVE TO WATCH IOWA AND THAT MAKES A MAN GROGGIER THAN TAKING NYQUIL AND WATCHING C-SPAN IN A LONELY HOTEL ROOM AFTER YOUR WIFE THINKS THAT THE $20 TIP TO THE HOOTERS WAITRESS IS HITTING ON HER, WHICH IT WASN'T I JUST APPRECIATE THE COLD BEER DAMNIT.
Whew. Well. That was... that was something, right there. And that wraps it up. We'll let out Wisconsin friends issue a rebuttal tomorrow if they would like. You can check out the previous entrants in the series here from Black Heart Gold Pants, Land Grant Holy Land, and The Daily Gopher.