clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Dr. Z's Guide to Legion Field (with Birmingham Bowl Prediction)

Penance for a 6-6 season? You get to visit one of the nation's worst sporting venues.

Photo courtesy-Me
Photo courtesy-Me

You have hopefully by now read the Playmaker's guide to Birmingham.  It is pretty much spot on, but I would throw in Little Savannah as a really good high end eatery.

I thought I would give you a little insight into Legion Field, since I took my kids there to see the U.S. Women's National team play Haiti back in September. As we were walking behind the Hatian bench, I swear I heard one of the Hatian players say "Man, what a dump."  You may have already heard, but  Birmingham is not the best run city.  Our politicians tend to take bribes then get into fistfights.

I thought I would give some helpful hints for you to survive enjoy your visit to Legion Field.  Please keep in mind I'm only halfway joking...

First, get a tetanus shot. The old grey lady is more of an old rusty lady now.  A cut on one of the girders or one of the seats can leave you with a nasty infection.  There are plenty of 24 hour doc in the box type places that can do this for you.

Take an Uber. Uber went online just today.  Do yourself a favor and spend the $40 bucks on an Uber ride.  You'll pay $25 to park in someone's yard most likely, and then another $500 at a collision shop later.  My car was parked so close to other cars in this open area I had to climb through my back hatch in my Jeep to get in..  The guy who parked me was no where to be found.

Be prepared to starve. B'ham sporting events are notorious for having poorly run and poorly stocked concession stands.  Eat a big breakfast beforehand.  The only thing they had plenty of in September for the soccer game was beer.  For a 90 degree day, they ran out of water before the game even started.  My kids were so thirsty my five year old son drank his first Mountain Dew, then proceeded to not sleep for the next 3 days.

The security may force you to stay.  As we were leaving the 9-0 soccer game, we came to the bottom of the ramp and the security was not letting folks out of the gate.  Either direction on the bottom concourse of the stadium was blocked by yellow warning tape.  So hundreds of people were stopped in one spot.  Keep in mind it's 90 degrees and there was no water for 2 hours.  Rather than facing a riot, the security finally opened the gate and let us all out after 10 minutes of standing there looking at us.

Bring binoculars. Not so much to see the field of play, but for the scoreboard.  About half the lights work in it.  Good luck being able to tell how much time is left.

Don't stick around to tailgate after. This is not the place to hang out after the game and enjoy a drink or two.  Legion Field is situated in one of the not so safe places to be in Birmingham.  Keep in mind that Legion was also the home away from home for the Turd Nation up until 2000 or so.   It is not a place for an Auburn fan to sit around talk about how they cannot wait for the Tide to lose to Michigan State the next night.  Do yourself a favor.  Walk out of the stadium, get in your car, and drive as fast as you can to Vestavia or Hoover to have a beer and dinner.  Do not let the sun set on your Orange and Blue clad self close to Legion Field.  The Memphis fans will be fine.  After all, they live in Memphis.

So, take it or leave it my survival guide for Legion Field.  may they implode the sucker as soon as they can.  Word is the City is planning on building something new by 2018 so the revamped UAB Blazers can have a decent venue.  It will probably be built by the mayor's Uncle Seymore after a no-bid contract, but it can't be any worse than the old Iron Maiden.

As for the game, I have no idea.  I like the fact that the Memphis defense is as leaky as the Legion Field men's room, but they also have one very good quarterback in Paxton Lynch.  I have no idea what kind of shape the Auburn defense will be in after Muschamp bolted.  I also have no idea what kind of game plan Gus will have in store or who will play quarterback for Auburn.

I do think Memphis peaked a couple months ago vs Ole Miss, so I'll pick Auburn...

Good Tigers 31

Elvis's Tigers-27