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Undercover Barner: AUld Lang Syne

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This week’s Undercover Barner explores some possible New Year’s resolutions for Auburn fans.

NCAA Football: Idaho at Auburn Shanna Lockwood-USA TODAY Sports

Well, fancy meeting you here.

I hope you all had a lovely and relaxing holiday filled with raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and many more of your favorite things. The Undercover Barner spent time with loved ones but also her Bar* prep books, so what I’m saying is there was a lot of yin and yang.

Since I’m already back at work, I feel like the holiday didn’t last nearly long enough. Honestly, it’s a little startling how fast the entire month of December flew by. It seems like only yesterday I was looking forward to a few Saturdays off and ignoring the SEC Championship Game. Bowl Season is already in full swing, and Auburn’s date with Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl, technically scheduled in the year of our Lord 2017, is fast-approaching. As such, I’ve been reflecting on 2016, sports and otherwise, and thinking about what an unpresidented 2017 might look like.

With that in mind, I’ve had some fun jotting down a few resolutions** for the upcoming year. Some are personal while others may apply to Auburn fans at large. And by no means is this list exhaustive. If you have one, feel free to add it in the comments!

In 2017, I resolve:

...to follow more players’ moms on Twitter.

Because that’s where the magic is.

No, really.

...never to participate in Two Bits because it’s a ridiculous waste of time.

Just don’t try to pay me in no stinkin bits.

...to always remember to #buckleup and never turn off an Auburn basketball game before the clock reads 00:00.

Photo by Wade Rackley/Auburn Athletics

Never a dull moment.

...to appreciate healthy players more because when half your roster is injured, it’s no fun.

Auburn v Mississippi Photo by Butch Dill/Getty Images

...never to forget to make fun of Lane Kiffin just because he's at FAU or wherever.

CFP National Championship - Alabama v Clemson Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

So do we think he’s listening to One Direction or Nickelback?

...to tweet less about Donald Trump for the benefit of everyone’s timeline but also because it will probably be illegal soon.

I’m only like 40% kidding.

...to use more products made by the companies that sponsor Auburn Athletics.

I didn’t *not* include this resolution just so I could use this GIF.

...to learn all of the Davises as long as they don’t change numbers.

Alabama A&M v Auburn Photo by Michael Chang/Getty Images
Vanderbilt v Auburn Photo by Michael Chang/Getty Images
Auburn v Mississippi Photo by Butch Dill/Getty Images

And so on and so forth.

...not to write any odes to opposing coaches. Probably. Honestly I can’t promise that. Kevin Sumlin is just begging for a sonnet.

We’ll see how the Aggies do in 2017.

...never to call BERT by his God-given name but I do promise to make at least one fart joke every time he’s referenced.

Never change, BERT.

And finally, I resolve to use more GIFs.

It’s funny because, well, you know why.

If you’re making the trip to New Orleans to see our Tigers take on the Sooners of Oklahoma, take a stroll down to the end of Bourbon Street to the Blacksmith Shop and have NOLA’s best Hurricane for me, as I’ll be in ATL*** not attending Alabama’s bowl game. I picked us in our Bowl Pick ‘Em thanks to both my heart and my head. If we’re healthy, Auburn has a puncher’s chance, and I won’t pick against Auburn when we have a puncher’s chance.

Let’s ring in 2017**** with a fun game and give these seniors the sendoff they deserve.

Until next time—War Eagle!

*I’ve been licensed to practice in Alabama since 2015, but I’ll be sitting for my second bar exam in Mississippi in February. Any and all prayers, good thoughts, and snacks are appreciated. But long story short, God willing, in 2017 this Barner will be Undercover in Oxford, Mississippi.

**Because of all the ways to lie to oneself, New Year’s resolutions are my favorite.

***This is the third year in a row I’ve ended up in the same city as the Tide for New Year’s. Thankfully, I’ll be with 100% fewer Alabama fans this time around.

****A day late ...