So, as you probably know by now, I do eye exams for a living. Optometrists are forever hearing 'which is better, 1 or 2?' from the general public. Personally I don't mind the joke. Yeah, I do more than that, like diagnose high blood pressure and diabetes. But I get it. I say that phrase 20 times a day I bet.
The thing is there is method to the madness in the choices we ask you to make. A good optometrist knows pretty much where you are going with it before you choose.
"So why is Dr Z talking about work after last night's game?" you ask.
Because Gus Malzahn would make a terrible freakin' optometrist. That's why. There was no method to his madness from what I could tell. And he had no clue where he was going. He was throwing different lenses up there hoping the Auburn offense would be able to see something. And it just doesn't work that way.
I just compared offensive play calling to refraction. That's what Gus Malzahn and Rhett Lashlee have reduced me to. Take heart Auburn fans, I could have compared it to an abortion.
So what the heck is going on down on the Plains? I have no idea. I truly have no idea. What I witnessed in person Saturday night was so incoherent from the offensive side of the ball, I left Jordan Hare Stadium close to midnight feeling cheated. Auburn has plenty of talent. Don't let Brian Matthews at 24/7 try to tell you Auburn doesn't. Auburn has an average star rating higher than Clemson, and had more returning starters.
Gus got out coached by Dabo Sweeney. Let that sink in. The guy who helped perfect the phrase "pulling a Clemson" out coached our genius. I guess now we all know that geniuses can lose their brain cells. And in the last two years it has been painfully obvious to watch.
It happens in sports and in life. Golfers get the yips. Mackey Sasser can't throw it back to the pitcher. And sometimes great play callers get in their own heads so badly that you get what we saw Saturday night. Gain 6 yards on first down? Let's pull the QB and try a different guy. Drive down the field with the juco transfer? Let's send in the failed signal caller from 2015 back in who is so damaged to throw a critical pick.
And the jokes would be funny if it wasn't my team. And my team deserves better than this.
They played their guts out. They deserved better than the incoherent plays called.
And in spite of all of this, Auburn had a chance to win the game on the last play, if not before that.
If you are looking for a ray of sunshine in all of this sadness, Auburn's defense looked as good as it has in a regular season game in 10 years, against a Heisman frontrunner coming into the season to boot.
Auburn's defense is good enough to keep them in games, but just like in season's past, with little help from the offense it won't matter.
I am hoping against hope that Gus gets it together, but based on the post game presser, that doesn't seem likely.
War Eagle anyway....