Monday Musical: Seasons of Gus

Gus Malzahn wanders into a bar. It’s pouring rain outside and his UnderArmour® polo shirt is soaked and sticks to his body. He sits on a barstool in the corner and wrings his visor until its sufficiently dry enough to not drip water into his eyes. He cleans his glasses and looks up to notice a familiar shacket walking towards him.

Gus: Gene?

Gene: Hey Gus. Man, that was a rough game on Saturday. I really felt bad for you.

Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

Gus: We didn’t play up to our standards. We have a lot of things we can work on and get better at—

Gene: C’mon Gus, drop the coachspeak. You can be real with me.

Gus: You’re right, Gene, I just, I just don’t know what happened. The LSU game was so close and then the season just got away from me I guess. I really thought we had a chance this year.

Gene: I know the feeling.

Gus: Right. I mean, there’s people out there (Gus points at the rain soaked street through the window) who want me gone. They want me Fired Gene!

Gene: (knowingly) Mmm. It’s hard to believe.

Gus: I mean, last year we were so close! I got this big extension, but it’s only made the fans dislike me more.

A voice calls from across the room

Tommy: Well, the money always raises the stakes.

Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Gene: Tommy, you’ve met Gus before, back in 2006 I believe.

Gus: Simpler times, then. I was just a ball coach callin’ plays. Now, I gotta be so much more.

Tommy: You were the golden boy. You feel like you lost that innocence, I bet.

Gus: You can say that again.

Terry: You feel like you lost that innocence, I bet!

A Starter Jacket-clad Terry Bowden comes from behind Tommy where it was hard to see him on account of his size

Photo by Loren Orr/Getty Images

Gus: Who, uh, I don’t think we’ve met.

Terry: Oh but we are a lot alike, you and I. The highs are high and the lows are low am I right.

Gus: True. It’s been feast or famine around here.

Terry, Tommy, Gene: (laughing) Of Course!

Gus: What’s happening?

Terry sits at the piano, nodding at Gene

Gene: The season is forty three thousand two hundred seconds,

More than forty three thousand chances to win

The season is forty three thousand two hundred seconds,

None of us ever thought it would end

Tommy: There’s good plays, a Hawg Hex

Beatin’ Tebow, but the game passed by me

Gene: A Crystal football, Cam’s smile

but Loeffler and BVG

Terry: Each Season is forty three thousand two hundred seconds

Each one is a roller coaster ride

Gene, Tommy, Terry: Auburn fans are tough

Auburn fans are tough

They’re comments are rough

Looks like they’ve had enough

Seasons of Gus

Seasons of Gus

Terry: Each season is forty three thousand two hundred seconds

My first were great but Bill Oliver

Took over the last one

Each season is forty three thousand two hundred seconds

How do you keep the fans

From hating you in the end?

Gene: In wins against Georgia

And beating the Tide

In competing for five stars

Or just beating state every time?

Tommy: It’s time now for buy outs

Tho’ my story didn’t end

Keep your hopes up

Remember Louisville will hire anyone

Gene, Tommy, Terry: Remember that Gus

Remember for us

Remember that Gus

You’ll always have us

Auburn seasons have always been toss-ups Gus

Seasons of Gus

Seasons of Gus

The song ends, the guys all smile at one another and Terry stands up from the piano.

Gus: that’s just the number of seconds in the regular season, you didn’t count the bowl games.

Gene: Do you really want us to count your bowl games.

Gus: That’s fair.

Terry: I think we should get nacho fries, y’all want nacho fries?

Tommy: I, uh, sure.

Terry: I love having such cool best friends!