Crow: Ok, it’s been a while since we did this that we almost forgot to even write this stupid article this week. Bye weeks mess me up.
Aubie: That and Indian food.
Crow: Right. Aubie, how did you spend your bye week.
Aubie: When you’re Aubie, you don’t get a bye week. So I spent it doing what I normally do: posing as hot female Auburn fans on twitter to lure idiots into saying silly things. It really brings a lot of joy to my life to see just how thirsty guys get on these twitter streets.
Crow: That’s YOU doing that?
Aubie: No (wink)
Crow: Anyway, what guest do you have for us today?
Aubie: Well Crow, I decided to interview a typical Aggie, but it wasn’t really easy to find one so I was getting discouraged until I ran into this guy in full military uniform. Meet my new friend Ben!
Benito: ciao il mio tigre arancione
Benito: How you are do?
Aubie: Ben, that Texas Twang is downright indecipherable sometimes. We are doing great tho
Crow: This guy doesn’t seem Texan
Benito: The function of a citizen and a soldier are inseperable. all within the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state. (edited)
Crow: If by that you mean the fans are as important as the players on the field, brother I think you’re on to something. I really think a home crowd could decide this game Saturday
Benito: Your leader must unite the factions into a single entity, a unified state. The keystone of the Fascist doctrine is its conception of the State, of its essence, its functions, and its aims. for Fascism the State is absolute, individuals and groups relative.
Benito: Inoltre... much of your problems could maybe be solved by invading Ethiopia
Crow: I agree with some of this again, maybe. The Auburn fanbase is really fractured and a decisive victory this weekend might be just the thing Gus needs to unite us into one unified fanbase again.
Aubie: Ben, what’s that about Ethiopia?
Benito: The League is very well when sparrows shout, but no good at all when eagles fall out.
Crow: Aubie who is this guy?
Aubie: He said his name was Ben, I found him when I was doing some quick time traveling.
Crow: I see, well I think he’s a wacko who is spouting nonsense about birds and invading Ethiopia, but I could be wrong.
Aubie: Ben, can your Aggies stop us from running the dang ball Saturday
Benito: Let us have a dagger between our teeth, a bomb in our hands, and an infinite scorn in our hearts. allora vedremo chi corre
Aubie: I didn’t know Aggies were a kind of pirate.
Crow: Are you Benito Mussolini?
Benito: Si, si, questo è il mio nome
Crow: Aubie, you can’t bring fascists to our roundtables.
Aubie: I didn’t know!
Crow: Benito, can you just stop your nonsense for a second.
Aubie: Ben, you lied to me. You are a liar and a thief.
Benito: It’s good to trust others, but not to do so is much better.
Crow: Shut up. You finished 8th in World War II and look like a pretend Soldier.
Aubie: Finishing 8th and playing army sounds pretty Aggie Crow…you can see my confusion
Benito: We become strong, I feel, when we have no friends upon whom to lean, or to look to for moral guidance
Crow: Well we become strong when we invent the military-industrial complex and dominate the global economy for the remainder of the 20th Century, so what do you know.
Aubie: Yeah bug-eyes, what do you know?
Benito: The mass, whether it be a crowd or an army, is vile.
Crow: Aubie, can you take this guy back to where you found him and can you do some background check on our next guests please?
Aubie: Your mass is vile, Benito, you overcooked-penne-looking fool
Aubie shoves mussolini into a time machine