As many of you know, Auburn has a point guard by the name of Jared Harper. He is super good. The current SEC leader in assists, assists per game, and minutes played per game is known for taking super deep threes, for dunking the ball so hard over taller players it robs them of their will to live, and for being not very big.
In fact, Jared Harper is often called “small” or “undersized.” I think this is unfair to Jared. The average height for an adult male in these United States over 20-years-old is 5’9”. If anything, Jared is above average at his listed height of 5’11”. Obviously, when announcers and sportswriters comment on Jared’s “diminutive” frame, they are doing so in comparison to the Ents who inhabit the paint of modern high level basketball. The average height of players in the NBA is 6’7” and it has been since around 1981, which is wild. Six-foot-seven is crazy tall. The average NBA player has eight inches on our dear Jared Harper, which is how much taller Harper is than Bri Folds AKA Brifoldinho herself. That’s a considerable difference in height, but it should also make us feel like Jared is the proxy for all of us on the court. I can’t play high level college hoops, both because I am too old and also because I am a middling basketball player who can best be described as slow from a geological perspective. Jared Harper is the everyman. He is all of us normal sized people, just banging threes on the heads of taller players and dunking it for John Q. Public.*
This got me to thinking: I can’t play like Jared Harper, but could I at least look like him? Jared Harper is listed at 5’11” and 175 pounds. Son Of Crow is mayyyybe an inch taller than Jared, but I weighed myself this morning and was 217lbs. You guys, I need to drop some KGs faster than El Chapo.
When I moved from Germany to the United States Jan 1, 2018, I weighed 200lbs. A net increase of 17 pounds was not what I wanted out of 2018, especially since at one point I ballooned above 220. I need to lose weight, and what better goal than being like my favorite point guard who wears number 1? So for the next few weeks I will be attempting to:
WEIGH THE SAME AS JARED HARPER BY THE TIME AUBURN PLAYS ITS LAST BASKETBALL GAME.
For the purposes of this journalistic enterprise, I will have to transform my body from one best described as “old-pro-wrestler-who-had-to-get-clean-too-quickly” or “guy who writes for a sports blog” into something resembling a person who is in shape. The last time I weighed under 200lbs I was a junior in High School and I’m not sure Ryan S Sterritt was alive. It’s a huge undertaking. It also means I will be cheering for Auburn to win the national championship harder than all y’all because it means the season extends that much longer and I have more time to drop meaningful weight.
I dunno, run a lot? I like to run and ride my bike, so I will probably be doing a lot more of that. Also, I’m no longer drinking anything that contains sugar or fake sugar, so that may help. I am going to try to monitor my caloric intake, but I’m open to any suggestions you guys might have for me in the comments (no fad diets or drugs plz). If you are local to Auburn and want to go on a jog, tweet me up and we can make that happen. This is all of our journey, not just mine. Plus I hope you follow along as I provide sweet content for you along the way.
If I achieve my goal, I win good health and the feeling of successfully accomplishing a goal. If I lose, I will watch an entire Braves baseball game with Ryan and Chief and I will pretend to, I dunno, like the National League and care about their opinions on professional (gulp) baseball. I really want to win this you guys.
There will be updates on this site, including my weekly workout plan and results. I’ll also be mentioning my progress in a small segment on the Orange and True podcast, so you can look forward to that too.
Here’s to good health, and to Jared Harper gaining at least 15 pounds.