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Rootability Index, Vol. 1

How to navigate a weekend of college football through an Orange and Blue lens


Greetings Tiger fans! Today is one of those special fall Saturdays. Everybody sleep well last night? Especially enjoy that cup of joe this morning? The cool, crisp air is all around us for the first time all season. And on this blessed Saturday, we all get to enjoy the rarest of moments in the season...a reprieve from the anxiety and stress we uniquely identify with as proud supporters of our Auburn Tigers.

It’s not that we don’t enjoy this. It’s our birthright as fans, after all. But today, while we enjoy a much needed break, standing at a respectable 5-1 on the season, let me take this opportunity with a handful of games both in and around the SEC to hopefully figure out where our rooting interests should lie today. First, a few things to keep in mind...

  1. Of course I’m always pulling for Auburn.
  2. I’m looking at this as a “what ultimately benefits our cause” perspective
  3. I’m always are going to pull against Georgia
  4. I’m always are going to pull against Alabama...***UNLESS***
  5. Alabama is playing Georgia with a national championship on the line*

*About #5...I’m not here to pretend like I haven’t gotten just a little bit numb to Alabama winning a national championship. It is what it is. But I will never yield ground to that school to the east who wants to pretend like they’re God’s gift to football. This is a group of people who spit on me and many other Auburn folks in Athens in 2014 and 2016. This is a group of humans who choose to bark like animals at other people. I can not, and will not, find reason to ever hope for anything but the worst kind of despair and disappointment for those people. They have managed to make Alabama the lesser of two evils by their actions, and they should never be forgiven for it.

Now, with that out of the way, onto this weekend’s slate!

Florida at LSU

I know what you’re thinking. A Florida win serves to benefit Auburn both in the hopes of an SEC West Championship, a potential rematch with Florida in Atlanta, and may expose LSU before we travel to Baton Rouge in 2 weeks. Plus, Florida doing well should, on paper, make us look better. I’ve thought the same thing this past week! But let’s think this one through for a moment:

  • An LSU win here, and an Auburn victory in Baton Rouge negates any need for us to care about a loss to Florida helping our resume
  • Florida ain’t getting back to Atlanta with Georgia on left on the schedule, and probably another loss hidden in that schedule somewhere (look at their record against Missouri the last few years!)
  • We need LSU to hang in there for now in the West standings with us and Alabama left to play. Let’s say we beat LSU and they somehow beat Alabama for the first time since 2011. We’re going to want them to win a tiebreaker against Alabama if we can’t win out and take another loss between Georgia and Alabama.

For these reasons...Geaux Tigers. Also if we’re being honest my bitter Auburn heart ain’t gonna pull for a team that had one of the dumbest wins over us in a hot minute.

Play it. Play it early, play it often. Make the Valley shake and unleash hell.

Texas vs. Oklahoma

Admittedly I am LOVING watching Jalen Hurts this year! I finally get why Alabama people cherished him so much. For the life of me I can’t understand why in the world it took me until this season for me to finally come around and appreciate him and his talent.

  • These two teams are most likely to play twice, and I want Oklahoma in the playoff. Why? Because I don’t want 2 SEC teams in the playoff. For us to make it we’re going to have to win out, so no sense in pulling against a team when a loss could open a door for a non-SEC Champion Alabama or Georgia to get into this thing without earning it.
  • Jalen Hurts’ story is truly one that we should all be able to get behind and be happy for him. Plus the idea of him winning a Heisman, winning a showdown with Alabama in the playoff, and a national championship will drive them insane.


Florida State at Clemson

Clemson ain’t as good as they were a year ago...yet. Seems they do this every year where they take until November to figure it out as a fully-charged super weapon.

  • We need Clemson in the playoff for the same reason that we need Oklahoma in the playoff. We don’t need 2 SEC teams in this thing. Matter of fact, if it’s not us, we don’t need any.
  • Clemson is one of the few teams in America that is capable of doing the dang thing against Alabama or Georgia.
  • Florida State, despite having a head coach in Willie Taggert that I like, doesn’t deserve to ever have anything good happen to them again. If you need to know why then you’re on the wrong website.


Mississippi State at Tennessee

So here’s the thing...we need Tennessee to figure out this whole football thing again. As long as they’re the only other school in the conference to play Georgia and Alabama every year, we need this program to find some semblance of life and get on the right track. With that in mind, we need Mississippi State to win this game. Why?

  • Tennessee is past the point of no return on this season. If Pruitt loses his job over it, maybe they’ll finally get it right with the next hire. Don’t give this group of people reason to practice patience when they’ve got a coach who is absolutely going to get fired at some point. Pull for them to go ahead and pull that trigger.
  • Joe Moorhead is 100% in over his head in Starkville, is no Dan Mullen, and it would be super nice to give them reason to have a tad more patience with him after BLOWING IT last season with the nation’s #1 defense.

In summary...CLANGA!

Alabama at Texas A&M

Texas A&M is the weirdest group of people I have ever seen. Don’t let the “Howdy!” greeting fool you. Members of their last national championship team were in their 60’s the last time Georgia won a national championship. And that was THIRTY-NINE YEARS AGO. This group of people worship a collie and have partaken in drinking $75 million worth of Kool-Aid on an overrated head coach who is going to perpetually lose 3-5 games a year. AND IT WOULD ABSOLUTELY INFURIATE ALABAMA PEOPLE TO LOSE TO THEM. It goes without saying who we are pulling for here, because, while this ain’t happening, there is nothing that could happen this weekend that would be more hilarious. GIG ‘EM TEXAS AGGIES! (Sorry Crow)


Tide fans having to endure a game with 60 degree temperatures and being vastly underprepared due to them being conditioned to their greatest rival...the heat.

South Carolina at Georgia

SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS...this...this ain’t happening. Although, the year Muschamp got fired from Florida, this happened.

I think the Nature Boy sums up my feelings perfectly...Go ‘Cocks!

Ole Miss at Missouri

  • Don’t need Ole Miss to be a resume building win for Auburn
  • Definitely need Missouri to continue to get better in case they’ve got a shot at Georgia later this year
  • Ole Miss needs to hurry up and fire Matt Luke and make a huge mistake by hiring a Saban assistant who isn’t ready away from Alabama since they won’t hire RichRod or Mike MacIntyre since they’ve done absolutely nothing to show they should be considered for the job.

M-I-Z! Z-O-U!

Arkansas at Kentucky

It would be easy to think we shouldn’t care who wins this game because Gus Malzahn is going to bring the annual hand of God slap to Arkansas next weekend, but this is a team that has gotten better, even in defeat. The last thing I want to see is them having any semblance of hope going into next weekend. I want a half-full stadium for a breakfast game next weekend so they’re demoralized when we step on the field.


(Never forget that this happened. Ever.)

UNLV at Vandy

Non-conference game for an SEC team. By default, I’m pulling for UNLV. Anything good happening to anyone else in this conference is ultimately not good for Auburn.


Check back in the future for more tutoring on exactly how Auburn fans need to view important games of the weekend!