It feels good to be right. I have this thing so dialed in right now, you wouldn’t believe it. I was 12 points off the actual final score last week and that is only because Gus took his foot a bit off the gas. I got Arkansas’ point total exactly right. This isn’t just art, dear reader, it is science. I look in the past to tell the future, because what was will be again and again.
So let’s move on to this week’s matchup. Woo boy, I am nervous. There’s nothing about a game on the road at LSU against a revitalized and athletic offense that makes me confident. LSU has been riding through the 2019 season like a band of outlaws, leaving death and destruction in their wake.
Someone has to stop these people!
The Gunfight at the OK Corral
On October 26, 1881, in Tombstone, AZ, a shootout lasting about thirty seconds broke out between lawmen and a group of outlaws calling themselves the Cowboys.
This shootout was reenacted in the 1993 documentary film Tombstone
You’ll notice immediately the monochromatically dressed lawmen go into the flaming wreckage that is the outlaw hangout. It’s a wild place and dangerous. You’ll also notice lots of unspeakably great facial hair, but that’s less important to our purposes. What I find interesting is the number of people who used to want to watch an impending gunfight. I have never and will never understand wanting to watch people kill one another, but to each his own I guess. People have always enjoyed violent spectator sports.
At some point we need to all agree that the Old West is not some sort of romantic fantasy world, but in fact may have been the worst imaginable place to be born into this side of Flanders in 1914. What a nightmarish confluence of tuberculosis, heat, and violence.
Anyway, the good guys win, but they take some losses. AND the good guys didn’t seem supremely confident walking into the fight. Those were some swaggering outlaws they were up against. Shootouts are always difficult to predict considering the lines between offense and defense are blurred so severely.
Doc Holliday is a real piece of work. He talks a lot of noise and is dying of a disease that is making him sweat like a stuck pig. It is not a good look, but he gets the job done and makes the bad guys furious with the way he does it.
I know I keep using “good” and “bad” and I also know that there are no binary distinctions as clean in real life. Instead, even the great Wyatt Earp was probably not an awesome guy to be around at times, being a brothel owner and whatnot. Plus everyone was hooked on opium, so I bet that was really annoying.
The Auburn - LSU Game
On October 26, 2019, Auburn travels to Baton Rouge, LA, to take on the LSU Tigers. Auburn fans are not incredibly confident going into this game. It is a game that has to be played, and the stakes are incredibly high. Both teams are capable of scoring a lot of points, but it will be up to the Auburn offense to try to keep up with the firepower LSU brings to the table.
Our Doc Holliday is most likely Gus, if you ask me. He is difficult for some people to deal with, many don’t like his decision making or his style, and he relies heavily on sleight of hand.
Now, Gus isn’t nearly as “cool” as Holliday and certainly doesnt have the mustache or the crippling TB, but he does enjoy the dramatic.
Auburn is going to hit an incredibly slow developing fake statue of liberty play for a touchdown in this game.
Shootouts are hard to predict. Auburn needs to be able to score points and needs to find someone on the offense to take the game to the Bayou Bengals. Auburn needs have a playmaker step up and make a name for himself, to go down like Wyatt Earp in the annals of history as a good guy. Did you know Wyatt’s dad was a bit of a lawman himself? Bo Nix...can you be our huckleberry?