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History Repeating: The Florida Game

Auburn v Texas A&M Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

Gotta get this on up before gametime. Not going to lie, this week has been nuts. I completely spaced and forgot to do this article, so I totally understand if you think I am the worst and also if this article isn’t any good. Hey, but 5-0 amirite!

Auburn looks to get bowl eligibility with a win this week. It’s so early in the year to say that, but anyone who lived through 2008 and 2012 knows not to take it lightly. This is one of the biggest games of the season. There are 10 “contenders” for the College football playoffs and Auburn plays four of them this season. Auburn has the opportunity to ruin a lot of team’s season, to effectively “well, actually” a few teams on its way to a birth in the playoff.

We should see if there’s any precedent to October 5 being a “well, actually” kind of day.

The Birthday of Neil deGrasse Tyson

Woah. October 5 is the birthday of the Pope of Pedantry, the Warlock of Well Actually himself—Neil deGrasse Tyson!

Tyson was born on October 5, 1958, and grew up to become an astrophysicist and “science communicator” according to his wiki. He is known for being wicked smart, and for dunking on people on twitter. By dunking on people, I mean he is known for ruining things for people. That TV show you like? Neil is here to tell you all the ways it is inaccurate. That Space Opera movie series you love and bought all the action figures for? Stupid and implausible, to hear Neil tell it.

He has made a habit of ruining people’s favorite things and making otherwise harmless movies look scientifically invalid and therefore real-life invalid.

To be fair, Armageddon is basura.

I kind of low-key respect Tyson’s ability and need to make people feel bad about their favorite things, and to fight for truth in science. Auburn, has been described by some as the “ruiner of everything,” so I kind of get it. We have been Chaos agents from time immemorial. We are known to make opposing fanbases question why they even play this dumb game. We have beaten teams with championship hopes before, and we will do it again. It’s time to Well, actually this Florida Gators team.

Florida is sitting there, with its high ranking and its hopes of winning the East and it needs to be taken down a peg or two. It’s the science tweet by some idiot who just discovered some out-dated fact or thinks there’s a difference between table salt and sea salt.

NOT THAT ANYBODY ASKED but screw you Table Salt.

Florida fans are about to get Well, Actually’d in a few hours.

Auburn 35

Florida 21