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Crow To Harper Challenge: Week 5ish

Buy Harper a Burger

NCAA Basketball: Florida at Auburn John Reed-USA TODAY Sports

Ok. So last week I didn’t even write one of these articles. You know it, I know it, and Lord knows Jack knows it. Look, it’s bad enough I’m trying to remake my whole body, but I gotta do it with an editor.

Last week was weird. I was out of town for a bit of it, I was under the weather for a bit of it and then got better and then got way worse. I have this weird thing with my nose where it gets stuffed up too easily and then I can’t breathe. It’s a gas. Running when you can’t breathe out of your nose is probably a super great way to train for high altitude climbing or whatever, but it is a lousy way for me to lose weight. I also might have been intaking too high of a level of caffeine the past few weeks, because I was winded way too early in my jogs and rides. I usually intake a normal 1.5L amount of coffee per day (is that too much?) but last week—due to a lack of sleep that can only be blamed on a 10 month old girl—I probably exceeded that total on more than most of the days. It was not a chill time.

Long story short:

Weight: 213.2

I know It’s not great news. And I know I have all of you #CROWnies* in my corner (plz start that hashtag). I also know excuses are like foreheads: everyone has one, and the more you stare at them, the weirder they are. You guys, I actually think this is a good thing. When I weighed myself, I thought I would see at least 220lbs. It has been a rough few days. I am pretty encouraged by 213.2. I gotta get back on the bike this week though.

There’s a parallel between my lack of progress and how “off” our hero and the diminutive driver of the Auburn Basketball team’s past week of games. Jared wasn’t exactly dominant in Auburn’s last two contests, but he did have the excuse of tweaking an ankle and having to play longer, athletic guards on defense. He has also played an absurd amount of minutes. He’s currently second in the conference in minutes played this season, and it might be beginning to show. Auburn, Jared Harper, and to some extent ole Son of Crow himself need J’Von McCormick to start averaging more Points Per Game (currently 3.2 in SEC play) than he has capital letters in his name. McCormick is going to be huge for Auburn down the stretch, and by that I mean if he can play big minutes and allow Jared to finish games with fresh legs, Auburn is going to be able to run away from more teams.

In a similar way, I am going to need my #CROWnies (leaning into it) to be my J’Von McCormick in order to finish this off. Send tweets to me @sonofcrow2, comment on this post with motivation and maybe ideas for workouts that don’t require a gym membership.** I’m not desperate yet, I haven’t busted out the P90X .mp4 files someone gave me a million years ago (thanks LimeWire***) If that happens, you can bet things have gotten dire.

This week, I am going to go on at least one very long bike ride and a few more runs. I am going to pick a workout from the comments and try to do it at least once, if not more than once. I am going to march around Auburn Arena as well, in order to bring down any spiritual barriers that may exist between me and my goal of losing this remaining weight.

Happy Friday. Let’s go out and get these buckets.

*like cronies, but way chiller and more into puns.

**SonofCrow on venmo if you want me to join a gym, College And Mag pays me in chicken, so it doesn’t help.

*** Ryan, LimeWire was a thing people used to download stolen music and horrible Malware onto their computers before you were born.