Well, I nailed it last week. It’s OK that none of y’all texted me or sent me fine gifts, I know you were thinking as Bo Nix threw that beautiful baby pass to our hero Seth Williams, “man, Crow was right...AGAIN.” Never a doubt in my mind, you guys.
This week, former SEC member Tulane comes to town. A school known for having a cool logo and having the foresight to leave the SEC because they hate money apparently. In actuality, Tulane left the SEC to de-emphasize sports and try to become the Harvard of the South. Which begs the question: what’s your excuse, Vanderbilt?
Now, on paper Auburn should smoke a school with four more SEC championships than Vanderbilt out of the stadium on Saturday. But the game isn’t played on paper, it’s played on Pat Dye Field at Jordan-Hare Stadium across from Samford Stadium & Hitchcock Field at Plainsman Park. Nobody loves naming things like Auburn. As an aside, I personally hope Auburn Arena never changes its name unless it becomes the Pearly Gates at Golden Flake Sweet Heat Arena.
On Pat Dye Field, anything is possible. Even Jacksonville State taking Auburn to overtime. We can’t relive one of those games, we won’t relive one of those games, we need to know we aren’t about to relive one of those games. Let’s dunk our heads down the drain of deep history in order to bite the awaiting apple of playoff aspirations.
The Capture of the Ganj-i-Sawai
On September 7, 1695 the armored Ghanjah dhow belonging to the emporer Aurangzeb was captured by the pirate Henry Every on its journey from Yemen to India. Henry Every was a bad man. He was an English pirate who was all over the place from the Caribbean up to India and went by various names. Some people called him Benjamin Bridgeman or Jack Avery or Long Ben. He was called “the King of Pirates” and “the Arch Pirate,” and this heist of the Ganj-i-Sawai might be the most lucrative act of piracy in history. He was never killed in battle, he escaped with all his loot, and he was never arrested. He was such a successful pirate, he inspired hundreds of copycats who all went into the business to be just like “long Ben.”
How did he become a pirate? Well, he was on a military ship, didn’t super want to be in the military anymore because his captain wasn’t paying enough, so he led a revolt and that military ship became his ship.
How profitable was this raid? Well in 1695 money it was £600,000 which is the equivalent of $110mm in 2019 money. He was the richest pirate in the world when the raid was finished and, like I said, they never caught him. In the most pirate thing of all time, his treasure has never been recovered, and some people think he may have squandered it. Imagine the squandering! You have to do some living to squander one hundred and ten million dollars.
The Ganj-i-Sawai wasn’t some unarmed boat. It had eighty mounted guns and four hundred men with muskets. Henry’s boats just had better ammunition. Plus, he was able to capitalize on the mistakes made by the crew of the Ganj-i-Sawai. One of their guns exploded which caused mass chaos and that’s when Henry’s men were able to take full advantage of their hand-to-hand combat abilities. Plus his men were extremely ruthless. This wasn’t a Johnny Depp movie. Atrocities were committed and yada yada yada...Henry left with the money.
The Auburn-Tulane Game
On September 7, 2019, Auburn will play Tulane in an American Football contest. Auburn is big favorites, but Tulane doesn’t come into the game unarmed. The Green Wave boasts a nasty defensive line and can really cause problems for Auburn if the Tigers aren’t buttoned up.
However, Auburn’s defensive line is much nastier. If the dread pirate Derrick Brown can cause some disruption (reader, he will cause some disruption) then Auburn has to capitalize on the ensuing chaos.
Auburn has been compared to Pirates since wayyyyy back in 2010 when certified Really Good Dude @auppl first made the Jolly rAUger and Auburn hoisted the black flag on its way to pillaging the entire SEC. Then again, in 2013, the black flag was unfurled and Auburn did a piracy of Amen corner, and escaped with all the loot.
Now, we have a new captain, a young gunslinger named Bo Nix who for whatever reason, is called “Ben 10” by his teammates. Seems like I know another man whose name was in no way Ben who was called Ben anyway? Oh yeah the richest Pirate ever, Henry Every. Mind. Blown. Our pirate captain—the son of a sailor himself—will lead our merry band to victory.
Yo ho, yo ho, a barner’s life for me— Son of Crow (@SonOfCrow2) September 1, 2019
We win, we talk crap, we score on a fluke
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho
We roll all the trees and don’t give a hoot
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho
Hoist the black flag. No quarter.