A well-known blog (our colleagues across the way) gave a public rundown of new NCAA rules for college football. They described how the “accidental” exploitation of loopholes by Auburn has been rectified. But some have stood up and said “What you have told us is rubbish. Auburn will surely find a new loophole, because they’re always cheatin’.” One might reply that this latest issue can’t happen again, but the answer is of course that it’s “BARN CHEATIN’ all the way down!” What follows herein is a brief history of BARN CHEATIN’.
1949: Auburn 14, Alabama 13
How BARN CHEATED: Auburn legend Travis Tidwell convinced head coach Earl Brown to let him onto the block team for Alabama’s tying extra point. Tidwell’s high school teammate, Eddie Salem, surely rushed the kick and missed it.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 3. It just goes to show you kicking has been bullshit for a lot longer than Nick Saban’s tenure
1969: Auburn 49, Alabama 26
How BARN CHEATED: It didn’t affect the outcome of the game, but Connie Frederick decided, without telling anyone, to take a punt snap and run 100 yards for the game’s final touchdown. He had noticed that Alabama wasn’t paying attention to him after he received the snap on earlier punts, so he decided he’d just run with what was going to be his final punt. He even made sure he was standing on the goal line when he received the snap, just so he could say it was 100 yards.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 1. It’s TRICK PLAY BULLSHIT, but the game was already decided. Shug didn’t even go for 2 to make it 50. He was booed by Auburn fans for that decision, because they ain’t got class.
1982: Auburn 23, Alabama 22
How BARN CHEATED: Well there’s obviously paying Bo Jackson. Who would turn down a chance to play for the Yankees? There’s also Tim Castille being called for pass interference on Auburn’s eventual game winning drive. Obviously the refs were paid to rob Bear Bryant of a win in his final Iron Bowl. Never mind that Castille hit Chris Woods before the ball got there. Bear never failed to get that call before. Then there’s the fact that Bo may not have scored when he went over the top. There’s no goal line camera, so it’s obvious he didn’t make it.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 4. Tough to prove, but there’s just a preponderance of evidence.
1989: Auburn 30, Alabama 20
How BARN CHEATED: Well for starters there’s moving the game to Auburn when Bear had a signed document that it would be in Birmingham longer than that. Obviously Auburn doesn’t respect tradition. Then there’s the game itself. Auburn used paper shakers that created a blue haze over the field that obviously distracted Alabama’s players, and it may have even given them lung cancer. Then there’s 12 men on the field on Auburn’s first touchdown. THE REFS CAN COUNT THEM WHEN IT HAPPENS TO BAMA WHY NOT BARN?! Then of course there’s when Alexander Wright went out of bounds totally on his own just like Thom Gossam in 1974, but they let him come back in and make the catch!! This ain’t legal either!
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 9. The game being in Auburn is bad enough, then you add in what happened during the game. You could say this is the true genesis of BARN CHEATIN’ since most of the later occurrences happen down there.
1993: Auburn 22, Alabama 14
How BARN CHEATED: This one wasn’t even on real TV because guess what? BARN CHEATED! Then they went and injured Jay Barker, probably on purpose, and ruined Alabama’s comeback attempt. How are you supposed to come back and win with a backup quarterback?! Not to mention they scored a touchdown on a 4th and 15. Real football gentlemen don’t attempt such things. That’s field goal range.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 7. They did most of their cheatin’ pre-game, but it’s still cheatin’.
1995: Auburn 31, Alabama 27
How BARN CHEATED: Well for one thing they scheduled this game when Alabama was appealing some bullshit NCAA allegations, and then BARN had the gall to print shirts about it. Then you have the ending. CURTIS BROWN CAUGHT THAT DAMN BALL I GOT THE PICTURES TO PROVE IT! I just don’t have them on the internet. I promise I have them. I swear he caught that ball. The refs stole it.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 6. I can’t prove they paid the refs, but you just know they did.
2002: Auburn 17, Alabama 7
How BARN CHEATED: Y’all I can’t prove they helped convince Fran to take the Texas A&M job and throw this game, but I’ll just ask you where Tommy Tuberville worked before he became a head coach?
Exactly. Besides, who wins with a white running back in 21st century?
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 5. Sometimes you gotta see this bullshit in layers. Plus they started a period of Alabama football we’ve all agreed to ignore.
2010: Auburn 28, Alabama 27
How BARN CHEATED: $CAM NEWTON WAS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR. HE SULLIED BRYANT-DENNY STADIUM WITH HIS PRESENCE. I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE WITHOUT REFLEXIVELY POISONING THE NEAREST TREE.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 9. AND THE NCAA JUST LET EM GET AWAY WITH IT TOO.
2013: Auburn 34, Alabama 28
How BARN CHEATED: I still don’t think this is what we want football to be. Plays with ILLEGAL BLOCKING and MEN DOWNFIELD and FORWARD PASSES. It was just a matter of time before they unleashed something like this.
Besides, you shouldn’t be allowed to return a missed field goal. They’re hard enough to make as it is. AND HE STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS ANYWAY.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 8. It’s like they took the ring right off of poor AJ’s finger.
2015: Alabama 29, Auburn 13
How BARN CHEATED: Oh they still cheat when they lose. Just like when they hosed our poor brethren from the East, BARN hosed down the field to slow down Derrick Henry. Then they even hosed down their basketball court.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 7. You might think it should be lower since Alabama won, but BARN CHEATIN’ ratings are above the result.
2017: Auburn 26, Alabama 14
How BARN CHEATED: This is where earlier BARN CHEATIN’ events come back hurt the Tide again. The stadium was entirely too loud. I’m tellin you they had to be pumping in crowd noise. It was so loud Coach Saban didn’t realize he needed to pull Jalen and put in Tua. Obviously that would have made the difference.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 4. Though it increases to a 10 if they really did throw the UCF game just to give them a reason to claim a national title, which I’m sure they did. BARN is always aubsessed.
2019: Auburn 48, Alabama 45
How BARN CHEATED: How can you kick a field goal with one second on a running clock? Coach Saban was right to get mad. Then there’s using a punter at wide receiver. Just a bunch of high school bullshit. Not to mention they made us throw a butt-interception. They already had a butt-fumble they shouldn’t be allowed to return a pass that bounces off of someone’s behind. It’s unseemly.
BARN CHEATIN’ level: 10. Maybe it’s recency bias, but THIS HIGH SCHOOL BULLSHIT KEPT US OUT OF THE PLAYOFF.
IF YOU HAVE NEW CORROBORATED EVIDENCE OF MORE BARN CHEATIN’, PLEASE LET US KNOW BY SENDING TIPS VIA TWITTER TO @ROLLBAMAROLL.