Let’s talk for a moment.

Yesterday, the SEC announced a plan to move towards a 10-game, conference-only schedule for the football season. Theoretically, teams would play their current 6 division foes, plus 4 other cross-division opponents. While it might make sense that you would move up the next two cross-division foes from 2021 and 2022, it sounds like that isn’t a done deal, with the conference considering trying an algorithm based on strength of schedule.

Alabama was supposed to draw Tennessee and UGA out of the East this year if it had been played as normal, and they would add Florida and Vanderbilt if the next two season’s opponents were added. Meanwhile Auburn would have UGA, Kentucky, South Carolina, and Missouri. Does it surprise you that the conference doesn’t want to punish poor little Alabama with that East slate?

This is tyranny. TYRANNY!

So here’s what I propose...

FORGET THE SEC.

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense anyways that teams in the same state can’t play each other due to conference affiliation. In order to better control the spread of COVID-19, let’s close state borders. We can still have football season, but this requires teams only play within their state.

How would that work? Well, lucky for you I have schedules all planned out.

Rules

With the options limited in most states, scheduling rules will need to be laxed.

1. Teams may play other teams more than once.
2. Teams may play down to the DII level if necessary.
3. P5 teams will always host lower level teams, but may travel to other P5 opponents.

Alabama

Six Iron Bowls in one year? You know it. As the only two P5 schools in the state, Auburn and Alabama will have to work together to generate a respectable amount of television revenue. It may seem sacrilege, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Each school also picks up a game with each of Troy, UAB, and South Alabama, the three G5 schools in the state. To round out the schedule, Auburn and Alabama will need to grab three local FCS teams each, meaning Jacksonville State is coming back to Auburn.

Florida

The true dream schedule for the Gators - they never have to leave the state.

Florida picks up a home-and-home against both Miami and FSU, meaning the Big 3 will get to have their own little round robin for the state title. There’s four more G5 schools in the state (FAU, FIU, UCF, USF), plus a host of smaller FCS and DII programs. I can’t imagine DII West Florida out of Pensacola will fair too well, but nevertheless, that’s 2020 for you.

Georgia

Georgia is in a similar boat as the state of Alabama, with two P5 schools and a litany of smaller programs. UGA will face the Yellow Jackets six times in this schedule, which will probably just be 24 quarters of brutality on behalf of the Bulldogs. Finally, a championship UGA can be proud of!

UGA also pulls in the two G5’s in the state, Georgia Southern and Georgia State, for two games a-piece, as well as the biggest school in the state from the FCS ranks.

Kentucky

Another state with two P5 programs, so I think you get the gist of how this schedule works.

With only four combined G5/FCS programs in the state, Kentucky does have to dip down to play Kentucky State late in the season, owner of these magnificent domes.

Rodney Pitts

Louisiana

Despite being the only P5 in the whole state, something tells me LSU fans and Louisiana residents would be just fine with this slate. The defending national champs get to bring in each of its little brothers from across the state twice, and perhaps mask the fact that they lost an obscene amount of talent off last year’s team by just throwing to Ja’Marr Chase over and over.

The only shame here is that we would miss some truly epic tailgating with all of these matchups.

Mississippi

Who are we kidding, given the chance, these schools are going to want to go 12 rounds with each other. I, for one, am not going to deny the world the chance at three months of Egg Bowl Saturdays.

As a note, we might need to keep the borders of Mississippi closed even after COVID if we do this. Sorry, Southern Miss.

Ozark

Unfortunately, the pandemic may have some geopolitical consequences, and college football is foreve intertwined with state politics. In this timeline, due to the absolute void of other programs in the backwater of the SEC, Arkansas and Missouri have merged to form a new state called “Ozark”.

Arkansas and Missouri become instate rivals, playing every other weekend this fall. Only one G5 team joins the fray here, the Arkansas State Red Wolves, but as is tradition, the Razorbacks administration continues to refuse to put them on the schedule. The rest of the schedule is filled out with FCS and DII opponents, including Gus Malzahn’s alma mater Henderson State for the Arkansas.

South Carolina

South Carolina continues to insist they aren’t the little brother, and Clemson continues to sit on them, slapping the Gamecocks with their own hands while laughing “Quit hitting yourself! Quit hitting yourself!”.

Tennessee

You know the drill. Two in-state rivals, three sets of home-and-homes + G5/FCS games. There are six FCS teams in Tennessee, so to make everything even, I had Vandy and the Vols split the FCS teams equally, and schedule three games between MTSU and Memphis (both G5).

And last but not least...

Texas

What? You thought a measly little pandemic was going to get Texas and Texas A&M to kiss and make up?