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BOOM! Roasted! - Week 5: This should be about Oregon

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HOW WE DOIN IN HERE!?! Whooo boy a stogie and a healthy pour of Blanton’s never tasted so satisfying as it did Sunday evening. Why Sunday evening you ask, because Auburn didn’t wrap-up till just short of midnight and I wasn’t spending another hour and a half racing through something that hasn’t happened since before I could legally drive. However, for a brief moment, let’s take our gaze from Bo Nix playing Minesweeper on a football field and uncovering every square that doesn’t have a bomb on it with magical precision, and take a look at just a few things that happened on Saturday in this week’s Boom Roasted!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH WISCONSIN

Normally I like to have a snappy little headline but…this is truly concerning. Sconnie played Michigan and was looking for their first conference win but found nothing good as they dropped a 38-17 game to Khaki Jesus and the Blue. Much like Auburn, Michigan found purchase at Camp Randall Stadium for the first time since 2001 so this also was a long time coming. The more concerning thing though isn’t Michigan doing things correctly…it’s Wisconsin channeling their inner French Army on offense. In the previous two meetings, Sconnie rushed for 340 yards IN EACH GAME vs the Blue…Saturday saw sconnie go for 43 yards on 32 tries. WOOF. Combine that with the previous game against Notre Dame (78 yards) and in 120 minutes of football, WISCONSIN HAS RUSHED FOR 121 YARDS!?!?!

THESE ARE THE ENDTIMES PEOPLE, GET THE PROVISIONS YOU NEED FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!

It got so bad that during the Jump Around time….everyone jumped around.

That’s just not good.

What was the Wisconsin team doing you ask? Here’s another angle.

It’s pretty obvious now that not every one is having a good time at the Randall anymore…

But some are apparently.

THIS SHOULD BE WHERE WE TALK ABOUT OREGON

This is where we talk about how the number 3 team in the nation…

got beat by a bunch of trees…

Fine…no one cares about Pac-12 football…and they shouldn’t, because Trees beat Ducks in the worst case of clock management since the Hat was at LSU. Boom! Roasted!

Instead, Cincinnati went to South Bend and played a home game against Notre Dame. I know Auburn fans get upset when opposing fans buy tickets in JHS but I understand that people want the experience and also want to support their team. This, however, would have me on freaking fire. A top 10 match up that, should you win, you have a CAAAAAAKE walk to the playoff. Instead, folks watching on NBC were greeted to this THE.

ENTIRE.

GAME.

Good win by the Bearcats and even a further HAHAHA to the PAC-whatever because your playoff team lost and that CLOSES the book on any of your teams being relevant to the national picture for the rest of the year.

To sum it up.. BYU to the rest of the teams in that Conference:

AND YOU MADE FUN OF US FOR PAYING SOMEONE

Incase you didn’t hear, JUUUUUUUUST before the beginning of the season, Texas A&M extended Jimbo after a great season and some good recruiting classes.

Well things went down hill from there as Haynes King, the Texas A&M Starting QB, who looks like the most Texas A&M guy to represent the Aggies ever…

Yup.

…got injured against Colorado. Insert Zach Calzada, who is going to be a good QB after a while…if this hasn’t messed him up for life already, and he has had to go through WHOMPIN last weekend. And we all remember how that went. But hey, no worries, because he gets to go back home and take on Moo State, and, since it’s a home game, that means a Midnight Yell Practice! So what happened at that prey tell?

Just for the record, the series between the two teams was tied going in at 7, including State holding a 3-2 record in the last 5 meetings. So…lose…all the time? Arite.

So, as for the game, to find out how it went, let’s jump to the 2:08 mark in the 4th quarter.

Yeah, that….wow….that’s not what ya want there.

So the Aggies fall to 3-2 and 0-2 in the SEC, tying them with Missouri and Carolina as the only other teams at that mark in the conference…only Carolina and Missouri didn’t guarantee their coach 95 MILLION DOLLARS TO DO IT!

Sadly, I have no words of comfort for the Ags.

It…does…not…get…better.

I believe the author of that tweet meant Power 5 wins because the Ags have beaten Colordo...by 3 and Florida State has beaten Syracuse...by 3... OH, and you thought you wouldn’t get #TalkinBoutTheNoles this week after they had to hit a walk off FG to beat the Cuse...tisk tisk.

Oh, but Drew, who do they play next to “get right”

And that’s on CBS at 7pm…merciful Lord in heaven…


So what did I miss? I know there was plenty but I don’t want to take everything from you guys, so feel free to comment below and I will chime in when warranted. And, until next week, ‘member when we saw this and were like…oh god, it’s going to be one of those nights?