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BOOM! Roasted!! Week 12: Groundhog Day

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There are some things that coffee can’t cure and this feeling is one of them. Honestly, I feel like I could just repost the same article from last week…or the week before…and no one would notice. What the hell, let’s walk through this together and see what we can find different in this week’s ROASTED!

THEY SHOULD AVERT THEIR EYES FROM TEXAS

Coming into this weekend, Texas had lost 5 in a row. Just for those keeping score at home, the last Texas win came the first week in October with a 32-27 win over TCU…where TCU has an argument that they should have pulled that off. Since then, with the exception of the 1st quarter of the UO game, it has been the biggest dumpster fire you’ve ever seen. And that’s just on the field! Don’t even bring up the Emotional Support Monkey of a Coach’s partner biting a kid at Halloween.

Well this weekend, the Horns took to the road to take on West Virginia in Morgantown, fighting for Bowl eligibility. Needless to say, it did not go well.

It was a really grueling game and forced WVU to focus intensely on the task at hand.

DANG! Matthes was 3 away from a new record!!!

In the end, Texas made a run at it and was forced to go for it down 8 late in the game.

SO CLOSE!

So Texas won’t be going to a bowl game and has now lost 6 in a row. But hey! There is good news, Texas lost 8 in a row in 1956 and they don’t have another game after this week, and even if they lost, they open the season with ULM before…hosting…Alab…ya know what, let’s just stop there and say they are hosting ULM to start next season.

Oh, but this weekend, the Horns host Kansas State to finish the season. The 7-4 Kansas State Wildcats. Let’s just have a little fun here.

JUST LAY DOWN WEST VIRGINIA!!! JUST LAY DOWN!!!!

SO FIRING THE ASSISTANTS DIDN’T WORK?

Two weeks ago, Florida fired their Defensive Coordinator and O-Line Coach in an effort to shake things up. Well it did ina 70-52 win over Samford in which their was much rejoicing in Gainesville, as we documented last week.

This week, the Gators took to CoMo

I have to admit that I watched this game, and my eyes are still trying to correct themselves. But man it was funny to watch.

I will save you from the ridiculousness of the game and just get to the good stuff. The game went into overtime and Florida hustled down and scored a quick one to go up 23-16. At this point I figured that would do it for this one because Mizzou just isn’t good at moving the ball. But danged if they didn’t figure out that Florida couldn’t stop the run and Badie is a really good running back, so they GAVE HIM THE FREAKING BALL AND IN TWO PLAYS Mizzou was within a point of tying the game.

But Ol’ Eli said forget that noise and went for 2! How’d that go?

Just incase you couldn’t see it:

I love the duck tape and marine rope needed for this play to work. From the quarterback with one leg falling backwards, to the floating the ball into the air and it dancing in the wind like it’s a jar full of uranium, to the stone handed full back trying to softly catch the ball like a 2nd grader in the finals of the egg toss. It’s beautiful.

THEN! We get to the postgame. For those of you that don’t remember, last year’s UF-ZOU game was a bit contentious with a bit of a fight between the teams before the half and then Dan Mullen dressing as Darth Vader (because it was Halloween…I guess). Well apparently Eli didn’t need that little reminder.

THAT’S A LONG MEMORY ON THE DRINK!

Needless to say, the embarrassment in the postgame was too much for the Florida brass and they have dismissed Dan Mullen meaning that another high profile job in the SEC is open. I just wonder if Dan shows up this morning and pretends like nothing has changed. I don’t even need to work a scenario out for you, what you have in your brain right now is funny enough.

I WONDER IF THEY ARE RE-THINKING THAT

Late last week, news broke that Michigan State was looking to lock down their head coach with all the smoke around the college football landscape. The main thing is to make sure that its physically responsible for the university an…

SWEET MERCIFUL LORD IN HEAVEN! 95 MILLION!?! You guys know he beat Michigan and followed that with a loss to Purdue, right? Well, cool, whatever. So this week, the Spartans played Ohio State in the, LET’S MAKE THIS MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT ACTUALLY IS Game of the Week, and it didn’t take long to find out which way this one would go.

Those are separate plays. All those pictures.

In the end, it was a 56-7 pantsing of Michigan State and now OSU gets Michigan in the HAHAHAHAHAHAHA game of the week.


So what did I miss? Feel free to post it below because I want to feel something other than the icy touch of winter. And some advice for the weekend…go after those leftovers like Sam Pittman gets after those Touchdowns.