Was it just me, or was Saturday sort of…bleh. Sure, the previous Saturday was amazing. Great games throughout the day. My wife asked me what big games were on Saturday night. I told her alabama and Moo State. “Ew…that won’t be a good game.” No. No it wasn’t beautiful. I then explained that last Saturday was so good that this weekend had to be a hangover Saturday. There is no way it could line up to the week prior and with the Cocktail Party next weekend, not even Ole Miss and LSU with a chaser of Okie State and Texas could save this Saturday.
Now that I have rightly run down this weekend, some funny things did happen, so let’s get roasted!
AT LEAST HE COULD STILL RIDE THE GRAVATRON
As a buddy of mine and I were saying on Saturday night. There are about 4 to 5 teams worth a damn this year in the SEC. LSU made it into that conversation by going on a FORTY TWO to THREE RUN this Saturday against Ole Miss. Again….42-3….LSU WON 45-20….yeah…but let’s focus…we aren’t here to run down the Lane Train. We are here for a much better paid fish. For those that think Auburn is all about buyouts and is terrible at negotiating coach’s contracts, let me introduce you to the Texas ATM Aggies.
For those curious about Jimbo Fisher's buyout....here are the numbers at the end of each season.— Gene Vance (@PGVanceII) October 23, 2022
Yeah, basically they told that man that his contract is guaranteed and if he is let go at any point for something other than killing Reveille with the boots he was given at his press conference, he gets the remaining balance.
It has bee a rough season for Jimbo and the New Age Junction Boys this year as we have somewhat documented here on the Roasted. They got ear flicked by App State back in week 2 but righted (I guess) the ship by squeaking by a ranked Miami (AHHAAHAHHAHAHAHA) and a Top 10 (HAHA) Arkansas (AHAHAHAHHAA) on a missed Field Goal in the latter game, before getting blasted by Moo State and coming oh so close to beating Bama before the worst call from the 2 yard line ever.
But this weekend offered a chance to get the train back on the tracks. Sure, they had to go on the road but South Carolina has never beaten Texas A&M. And on the talent scale, the Aggies have a ton more (thanks NIL!). So all it takes on the road is take the crowd out of it early and let the offense go to work.
SOUTH CAROLINA! Xavier Legette takes the opening kickoff 100 yards to the house!!! pic.twitter.com/agcFzMaOAB— @ (@FTBeard7) October 22, 2022
Ok…that’s not the start you…
Texas A&M doesn’t seem to be off to a good start. The snap was a bit premature here. Gamecocks lead 17-0 early. pic.twitter.com/Wz9jtDWNG9— Sickos Committee (@SickosCommittee) October 23, 2022
HOW THE HELL!?!
I mean, at least with the butt snap we still had a chance to recover it. This one, you guys literally should have put a bow on it. Carolina would have a 17-0 lead after the 1st quarter. Things looked bleak, not only for Texas A&M, but for the broadcast crew as well.
Announcer in the South Carolina-Texas A&M game: "Oh my gosh.... Talk to me dirty corndogs.... Are we on?"— @ (@FTBeard7) October 23, 2022
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (cc: @nocontxtanncr) pic.twitter.com/dD5UmuZR8i
Ok, so yeah…that’s odd. They ended up sending a production assistant across the street where the South Carolina State Fair was happening, to get some foods for Tom Hart, Jordan Rodgers and Cole Cubelic for a segment in the 3rd quarter. Here it is in its entirety…
For those that don’t want to watch Texas A&M’s offense at ‘work’ (I don’t blame you), let me run down a play by play for you.
First off, we are introduced to the booth where we can see (be on your best behavior here Drew) an impressively large corndog in Tom Hart’s hand as he passes it to Jordan Rodgers who isn’t going to stand idly by and throws it down with some force. After the bite, we see the resulting photo below.
Yeah…Jordan almost kabobbed himself with that meat skewer, leading to the question, does someone have it out for Jordan and at the same time, I know the regulations board at the South Carolina State Fair probably doesn’t have the most strict safety board but how can they hand out 2 or 3 foot long corn dogs skewers with little kids running around like kids are one to do and not expecting them to look like an episode of Game of Thrones…or to be more timely, House of Dragons. Nothing says obey like a head on a spike!
Literally, as Jordan escapes death, we go over to Cole who has a donut burger…
Good lord man, its not going to run away from you! Cole houses that burger in record time while simultaneously removing toppings while he goes. Sir Big Spur will snag that onion and the rest of the tomato, cause you know Reveille wouldn’t lower herself to eating table scraps off of a field!
At this point, you are thinking you have stumbled onto a Major League Eating competition between Cole and Jordan when ALL OF THE SUDDEN TOM HART’S MUSIC HITS!!
BUGH GAWD IN HEAVEN! TOM HART JUST RIPPED THAT TURKEY LEG IN HALF! Also, good on Tom to not just flip up the mic and pull it away from the ear to go in after it. That shows a true professional that knows why he is here. Also, good on Tom to trust Jordan not to stab him in the gut with that Corn Sword in his right hand.
We go back down to Cole now, who has a little smuch on his face.
Yeah that didn’t get it but whatever, you are good to go. And for a man that housed a donut burger in 30 seconds, you look great my man.
Back up to the booth as we begin to wrap up things with a cross between a sopapilla and Jay Jacobs funnel cake, from the looks of it.
Man that looks delici….
GOOD LORD JORDAN! Tom Hart can’t get the words on what it is before Jordan dives in with a poof of powdered sugar.
The look of distain on Hart’s face is a heat that you can feel through the screen.
*fade to black*
Back to the game now, where A&M was able to really make this competitive cutting it to 6 with just under 30 seconds to go and getting the onside kick.
With one final shot, A&M loaded up for the Hail Mar…
SOUTH CAROLINA DEFEATS TEXAS A&M FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! pic.twitter.com/Hl2jjMxSPe— Sickos Committee (@SickosCommittee) October 23, 2022
So Texas A&M falls to 3-4 on the year and we get to update the leger.
Record through 55 games at Texas A&M:— Barrett Sallee (@BarrettSallee) October 23, 2022
Kevin Sumlin: 39-16
Jimbo Fisher: 37-18
Yeah, that’s a ton of money to not be as good as Kevin Sumlin. As far as the 2022 season goes there is good news and bad news for Texas A&M.
The Good news is 4 of the next 5 are at home and the road game is more than likely winnable.
The bad news is that I see 2 losses for sure, 2 wins more than likely and then there’s Florida and LSU. They need 3 wins total to get to a bowl game, so…GOOD LUCK JIMBO! Don’t worry though, Tom saved you a turkey leg.
Unless Jordan took care of that during the commercial break...
I hate to cut it short at just one game but…the landscape was a touch barren this weekend and I need to get something to eat now. Feel free to let me know what you saw this weekend down in the comments cause I enjoy hearing from you guys. Until next week…
Hypnotoad has returned pic.twitter.com/islxgNQnAe— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) October 23, 2022
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD