For the past few weeks, this web page has been on the forefront of reporting a story that has been—to put it bluntly—completely ignored by the rest of the media. Head Coach Bryan Harsin is more of a “rad dude,” to quote one player, than many people realize. His icy demeanor on the sidelines can only be described as the look of a man who just ordered something at a place his wife drags him to all the time, but he just knows they are going to get his order wrong again and here’s a big difference between medium and well-done, and this place can’t get it right because it is more interested in cute cocktail names and decorating the walls with what looks like the debris found in a burned down Hobby Lobby. Behind the scenes, though, Harsin is anything but buttoned up.
A loss to Penn State Saturday may have been the breaking point for many in the program. Solutions to problems are needed, and fast. According to my sAUrces, Harsin spent several meetings Monday writing things on dry erase boards ranging from “WHY NOT RUN THE BALL EVERY PLAY?” to statements like “TO BREATHE IS TO JUDGE.” One sAUrce claims he saw a pack of French cigarettes in Harsin’s back pocket, but this could not be corroborated. On every board, according to multiple Deep ThrAUt informants within the facility, Harsin wrote “solve goal line offensive problem” and then begged someone to write a solution while waving the marker wildly in each room. This confused and confounded the defensive position coaches, who just wanted to “watch some film, eat some catering, and get on with the day without having to do Mike Bobo’s job.”
Allegedly, around 2am Tuesday morning, a person dressed as a night janitor was seen on security footage going to each board and drawing a very simple football play diagram in which the ball was handed to the runningback and several angrily drawn lines showed the runningback was to go into the endzone. One sAUrce says it was obvious to him that it was coach Harsin dressed as a janitor. “Yeah, it was Hars,” he said, “dude saw ‘Good Will Hunting’ last week and has done this bit like every other night.” Another sAUrce added the person solving the problems on the board yelled “THERE’S YOUR APPLES MIKE” as he drew the lines showing where Tank Bigsby was to run into the endzone.
This behavior is not as much concerning as it is highly irregular for Auburn coaches. Gus Malzahn was accused of overthinking play calls on a number of occasions, but never of dressing like characters from late 90s psychological dramas in order to prove a point about playcalling. We will have more as information continues to leak from the Harsin administration, and I will stand by my sAUrces as long as I can.